One may ask, why am I starting a thread that picks on Christian terminology? If I find it a falsehood, why do I talk about it still? Well..."as a dog returns to his vomit", so do I
| Printable Version of Topic
Click here to view this topic in its original format |
| Open Forums for ExChristian.Net > Almost Anything Goes > Your favorite Xtian terminology |
| Posted by: Joe1980 Dec 10 2004, 06:48 AM |
| "slain in the spirit", "backsliding", "on fire for Jesus!" One may ask, why am I starting a thread that picks on Christian terminology? If I find it a falsehood, why do I talk about it still? Well..."as a dog returns to his vomit", so do I |
| Posted by: Libertus Dec 10 2004, 07:13 AM |
| Favorite one to hate: I'LL PRAY FOR YOU or I'M PRAYING FOR YOU  Libertus |
| Posted by: quicksand Dec 10 2004, 07:24 AM |
| 01. God bless you. (What? Did I sneeze?) 02. You don't have faith because you are prideful and arrogant. (Utteedr by Sean Hannity last night on his radio show.) 03. You're just rebellious and shaking your fist at God. (Per Jason Gastrich) 04. God is watching you. (Pervert!) 05. God knows what's in your heart. (Anatomically speaking, he got that wrong in the Bible) 06. Only God can judge what's in your heart. (When it's actually the Christian doing the judging.) 07. Its in the Bible. All I am doing is reading the bible. (Of course when I read the bible and assert the vileness of what's there, I am told that I am not reading the bible or reading it with a bias. I love that one.) |
| Posted by: sexkitten Dec 10 2004, 09:26 AM |
| I have nothing to add to this topic, but I love Joe's avatar. "Eight year olds, Dude." |
| Posted by: Reach Dec 10 2004, 09:36 AM |
| The one I hate most of all... I love you... in the Lord. For the person to whom this comment is directed, it's as though he or she is so pitifully worthless, or unlovable or of so little value that it takes some miraculous help from God for someone to love her or him. How myopic! Sickening! |
| Posted by: Joe1980 Dec 10 2004, 10:00 AM | ||
"Let me tell you something, bendeco. You pull any your crazy shit with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I'll take it away from you and stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger til it goes 'click'." I love that movie!  I'm a Big Lebowski quoting whore! Jesus Quintana makes that movie.... |
| Posted by: MonkeyBoy Dec 10 2004, 10:01 AM |
| How about: "I want to tell you this in love" If someone is going to love me, I bet I'll know it based on their actions; if they tell me their actions are 'in love', then that's the same to me as someone saying, "I'm going to be honest with you" right before they say something. Next thing out of their mouth will be a lie. "An atheist cannot exist; in order to say there isn't a god, you would have to be everywhere at once to prove he isn't there. So, in reality, you would be god." Nice attempt at logic. "I am getting a word of knowledge." Straight from god, right? That's why every christian agrees with each other. |
| Posted by: Joe1980 Dec 10 2004, 10:10 AM | ||
or even worse..."Can I pray for you?"...what appears to be a sincere question is usually a display of subliminal witnessing. If you are going to pray for someone, just do it. There's no need to announce the fact you are doing it. Well...that's just what I've always thought, anyway... |
| Posted by: TexasFreethinker Dec 10 2004, 10:20 AM |
| When I was a young fundy, I was always grossed out by the amount of blood in the lyrics to our hymns. "Are you washed in the blood?" "There is a fountain filled with blood..." "There is power in the blood" "Nothing but the blood..." |
| Posted by: TexasFreethinker Dec 10 2004, 10:23 AM |
| I have fundy friends and family who will say "I have a praise" when they want to tell you about something good that has happened to them... "I have a praise today - my tax refund is going to be bigger than I expected." "We have a praise - Jimmy won't be going to jail after all." You get the idea. |
| Posted by: sexkitten Dec 10 2004, 10:24 AM |
| And the correlary to that is everything crappy in one's life is a "I have a prayer request..." |
| Posted by: Joe1980 Dec 10 2004, 10:32 AM |
| "God is starting to do amazing things in this Church!" and the opposing, yet eye-opening.... "We're in desparate need of a revival" |
| Posted by: TexasFreethinker Dec 10 2004, 10:37 AM | ||
Which is how most christians I know spread gossip. "Will you pray for so-and-so? Her husband has been sleeping around." |
| Posted by: sexkitten Dec 10 2004, 10:46 AM | ||||
Isn't that the truth. And when you try to stop the gossip in its tracks by either asking not to hear it, or asking that your issues aren't sent to the church I can't wait until I no longer live near Christian family... |
| Posted by: Cerise Dec 10 2004, 12:18 PM |
| Standard response whenever God is depicted doing something cruel, horrifying, arbitrary, or heartless.... "It's FREE WILL baby! Yeah!" As if that actually means anything. |
| Posted by: The Silent One Dec 10 2004, 12:19 PM |
| "You'll get what's coming" or variated as "You'll get what you deserve." Been told this by no fewer than 3 Christians in the last 3 months. Damn my filthy Pagan ass. |
| Posted by: Diogenes Dec 10 2004, 12:25 PM |
| Now whenever I hear "God's been speaking to me", I will suggest a mental health professional. |
| Posted by: Theosaga Dec 10 2004, 12:57 PM |
| I was talking with a Christian friend about the implications of requiring knowledge of Jesus in order to be saved, and the extension that God was condemning millions of people out of hand. She said. "I know. That is one of the hardest things to deal with as a Christian." What?! |
| Posted by: quicksand Dec 10 2004, 01:03 PM | ||
Oh my....  |
| Posted by: Messi Dec 10 2004, 01:42 PM |
| "He don't know who God is. He is a pathetic atheist who doesn't really understand who God is." From a letter in the NZ Herald explaining the christian position on a certain atheist's column. I find that sickening. Letters from Xtians is only thing that's Xtian that get my blood pressures up. Apart from the inquitions, of course.... |
| Posted by: Joe1980 Dec 14 2004, 12:13 PM |
| I'm sure some of you have heard the following scenario by a xian: They see less people than they normally see on a given day....they freak-out and think the rapture came and left them.  How can people live everyday with crazy thoughts like this on the forefront of their mind? sickening... |
| Posted by: Mr. Neil Dec 14 2004, 06:57 PM | ||
Dammit! I was going to use Jason! Everyone knows I can't get enough of picking on him! Jason can't make an argument without ad hominems and special pleading. He's got all these little delightful one-liners that make us puke, but none of them are as irritating as "You don't like God's plan." |
| Posted by: LloydDobler Dec 14 2004, 10:38 PM |
| The one that sticks with me is 'god told me...(insert something person wants here)' My favorite one was when my ex wife told me that she had a dream and she just knew it was god telling her that our nephew would be born before she left the country for a semester of college. She even spent money on a plane ticket to visit her family so she could be there when he was born, as it was meant to be. He was born over 4 weeks later, 3 weeks after she left for Egypt. I will never let her forget it. The other one I hate is 'god willing' for a similar personal reason. After going to Egypt, my ex picked up the habit of saying 'god willing' before anything, as it is a custom in the middle east to say it. But the reason I hate it.... She said it in her wedding vows. I didn't even notice until 5 years later when our marriage began to fall apart, and I watched the video. |
| Posted by: Joyfullness Dec 15 2004, 07:24 AM |
| How about -- God bless you? What does that phrase mean? Does saying it to somebody make God take notice and bless them? Or, does the person who is saying it bless them, and they think they are actually God? Whenever I sneeze and somebody says that I just look them quizzically? If anything, those people should pray for themselves, so they do not get the virus.(just kidding). Why pray for the one sneezing. He already has the virus, and it only has to run its course. |
| Posted by: Ro-bear Dec 19 2004, 07:39 AM | ||
Yeah, the stuff about the lamb and the blood is a bit much. Any religion with a blood sacrifice component raises a red flag to me. |
| Posted by: Mr. Neil Dec 19 2004, 07:53 AM |
| "Why don't you just believe?" |
| Posted by: TexasFreethinker Dec 19 2004, 08:07 AM | ||
Did anyone else see the episode of "Six Feet Under" on HBO where a truckload of inflatable sex dolls filled with helium were accidently released into the air on the highway? A fundy woman saw the dolls and thought the rapture was in progress. She stopped her car and jumped out into traffic so she wouldn't be left behind. Of course she was immediately struck by some cars and became that episode's victim. It was one of the most clever openings I've seen for that show.  |
| Posted by: Mr. Neil Dec 19 2004, 08:18 AM |
| Gotta love Hollywood for its relentless liberal bias. |
| Posted by: Shadfox Dec 19 2004, 08:59 AM |
| "Name it and claim it!" "Sow a seed!" Oh, and I can't forget, "Love Gift!" Love=money, of course! Also, "faith building point of contact," and, "I cover this (person or thing) in the blood of Jesus!" |
| Posted by: TexasFreethinker Dec 19 2004, 09:29 AM |
| "I found Jesus / Have you found the Lord" "I have a burden" (something's not going my way) "Brother and Sister" as titles - ""Brother Sam will lead us in prayer" "I'm going to take you to the Lord in prayer" Using 16th century pronouns in prayer. (thee, thou, thy) Repeating the name "Jesus" over and over in prayer. "Jesus, we ask thee sweet Jesus to just touch this man's heart oh Jesus as we know only thou can dear Jesus. In Jesus' name. Amen." |
| Posted by: Shadfox Dec 19 2004, 09:39 AM | ||
I find it strange that Jesus as an omnipotent being must constantly be reminded of his power and ability in every prayer. |
| Posted by: Java Dec 19 2004, 10:22 AM |
| "The Lord works in mysterious ways." Lately, in my post-ishina years, I've been immune to small things like "God Bless You!" in sneezing. Like, it's cultural now, not religious, and it's as big as "Mercury Bless You!" 'Though I do say "Bless You!" instead. Blessings can be natural. The blessing of the harvest. In figurative senses. |
| Posted by: Mr. Neil Dec 19 2004, 10:44 AM | ||
| Here's a classic insult that gets tossed at atheists a lot... "It's the fool who says in his heart that there is no God." The classic insult from Psalms that nearly every evangelical has memorized. What's amazing is that this is actually a fraction of a verse which they never seem to want to finish. Let's find out why, shall we?
Perhaps they don't quote the entire verse, because they know that it's blatantly false. Atheists are champions of civil rights. On average, they give to charities more than Christians do. Atheists are very anti-war. If the Bible says that none do good, then clearly the Christians have a problem, because each of us stand defiantly in contradiction to that very verse in Psalms. Yet some Christians still opt to use that line to call us atheists fools. Perhaps they need to spend some time reading Matthew 5:22. |
| Posted by: Lanakila Dec 19 2004, 11:56 AM |
| Take it to the Altar and leave it/ regarding struggles with some issue (sin). Christians aren't perfect-just forgiven. Grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. WTF does that mean? God helps those that help themselves. (as an evangelical I hated this phrase) I am just a sinner saved by grace. (they haven't proven that sin exists and have no real way to define grace) Hell on earth and hell to pay. (one of my ex's favorite sayings when he was a pastor) Are you saved, brother? (or sister) Have you been filled with the Spirit? Do you speak in tongues? my answer no got a variety of responses but mostly tongues speakers felt sorry for me. Get saved now before its eternally too late. The world is going to hell in a handbasket because of the: (insert EAC or ACLU here) |
| Posted by: MonkeyBoy Dec 23 2004, 03:17 AM | ||
haha. A pagan friend of mine relayed a funny but VERY short conversation bewteen him and a xian that had been trying to convert him for months: Friend: "Have you found Jesus?" Fundie"Yes!" Friend"Well, then can you tell everyone else where the fuck he is? They keep asking me!" As far as the repeating thing, I think it's an OCD problem. What about praying King James? Combine the two and you'll want to set fire to your head and put it out with a sledgehammer: "O Thou goodest and merficul of Gods; the only True God, God we ask Thee in the name of your Wonderful, Holy, Just, Kind, Powerful, Merciful, Holy (did I say that already?), Loving, Perfect, Commanding, Packed, Great and Honorable Son; Jesus Christ. We beseech Thee in Thine own tender mercies of the entire thing to watch over your blind, deaf and stupid sheep. We knoweth not anything that we do. We are inbred cattle, O Lord of the Most High. We loveth Thou. Thee, Thine and Thou are the Holy Trinity, Perfect and round in your most symetrical perfection. Please chastise us, O Holy One. Make it hurt, but not too much. The safety word will be, "Think". O Glorious High Exaulted One, meeteth me in the Upper Room, and let the Staff of Life arise! Blow upon me the Breath of Life, Thou Perfect One!" |
| Posted by: Ian Dec 23 2004, 12:05 PM |
| I am surprised this one hasn`t come up yet . It's quite popular nowadays since "religion" has a bad name to it . So xtians decide that religion is bad and change the meaning of their faith . It's now a "RELATIONSHIP" ...which is the dumbest term on the planet. I have relationships with real human beings that I can see and touch. That one drives me nuts when I hear : "It's not a religion , it's a relationship" . By that same measure, I have a relationship with a big invisible purple panda that protects me....you can have a relationship with the big invisible purple panda if you had faith... |
| Posted by: Mr. Neil Dec 23 2004, 01:08 PM |
| Oh Jesus Christ! I can't believe I didn't think of that one. That one fucking drives me insane!!! Sort of a biproduct of that... "Evolution is a religion." My teeth are a-gnashin'! |
| Posted by: I Broke Free Dec 23 2004, 01:16 PM |
| Is this a Christian saying? Everything happens for a reason. Damn I hate that one! |
| Posted by: quicksand Dec 23 2004, 01:24 PM | ||
You know, I started writing about that phrase- I hate it too. What I was going to do with this paper, once I got the kinks out, is compared "Everything happens for a reason" to the bumper sticker "shit happens." |
| Posted by: Messi Dec 23 2004, 01:43 PM |
| I read in Piligram's Progress that John Bunyan wrote this line I can't forget. "The Lord is my civet box" What's so ironic is that the civet box is really made from smelly civet cats. That'd make the Xtian smell bad don't you think? Another one is "There's no moral in our society" I hate that one. "Jesus is my boyfriend" from a Xtian gal "God is all merciful but He'll condemn ya to hell if you don't submit." By good many xtians. Sound bit like a case of wife beating by God..... So that's all. Nice talking to ya and Merry Christmas |
| Posted by: Messi Dec 23 2004, 01:43 PM |
| Oops a double post! |
| Posted by: Castleberry Dec 23 2004, 10:15 PM |
| "You're being a stumbling block" "Do you know, that you know, that you know, that you know you're saved?" "God doesn't want me in a relationship right now" (which... suprisingly... still isn't an excuse to masterbate!) By the way y'all need to checkout www.landoverbaptist.com They have bumper stickers that say things like, "Jesus is watching you masterbate" or "Who Would Jesus Bomb?" |
| Posted by: erik the awful Dec 23 2004, 11:33 PM | ||||||
| Ohhhh. This kind of shit makes me blow a gasket. About four years ago, these language modifications (or was it just christianity in general?) really started getting on my nerves. Going to church made my little "inner voice" so sarcastic and pissed I thought Satan was speaking directly into my head, or that I was going nuts, stark raving cloths ripping hooting at the moon mad. During the week it was like an itch and I couldn't scratch it. I prayed alot, and sat outside of church a few times. It went away a few months, but not very far. Self repression makes a dude real fucked in the head. I can't explain WHY these language mods make me angry. Maybe its because I feel this is one of the most effective methods to keep me from engaging my brain, similar to the Big Brother's language modifications in Orwell's 1984. Maybe it's because I really dislike being manuplated. Regardless, there are no words to describe how angry I am about this typical Christian behaivior. You mighta guessed, I'm gonna try anyhow. ---------
That's Christ speak for: "Jesus loves you, everyone else thinks your an asshole." Of course honesty of this caliber is prohibited in most christian circles. ---------
Yeah, as if the BuyBull isn't bad enough already, just sit down and read some hymn lyrics. You can be grossed out all over again! "Onward Christian Soliders, Marching as to war." No shit? Giddyup. Here we go again, pilgim! I'll go get the ponies. "...that saved a wretch like me..." I wasn't a wretch 'till Christians fucking made me one. Isn't this kinda like stealing a guys wallet and giving him $2 back so he can take the bus home? And I was just a kid. need I go on? "on fire for jesus?" Why don't you just burn out? "slain in the spirit? Or just one hit too many?" "Look fucktard, I ain't your fucking brother, OK? I'm a goddamned only child, and if you were my fucking brother I'd have to fucking kill myself. You do not fucking know me. Now go the fuck away and leave me the fuck alone!" Oh, how about this. It's not christian, but it adequetly describes the mental arobics you have to do to make the God of the BuyBull moral, just, merciful *or* loving.
Jesus Wept. Satan Giggled. Atlas Shrugged. I started getting my brain back the day I stopped believing. |
| Posted by: Joe1980 Dec 24 2004, 01:34 AM | ||
Holy shit, I totally forgot that one. I remember when my pastor would pound the pulpit everytime he said the word "know" in that one. |
| Posted by: I Broke Free Dec 24 2004, 01:29 PM | ||||
What the hell does it mean anyway? Seriously, I can't figure it out. |
| Posted by: Castleberry Dec 25 2004, 02:03 AM | ||
I've decided it's a pastoral fear tactic. Usually a/f saying it they say, "If you have ANY doubt in your mind that you are not 'saved' then you need to... blah... blah... blah..." haha... fun times. When pastors do that it puts this "fear" in the hearts of their patients. They start thinking back to that "one time event," and then they get scared and go forward and get "saved" all over again. Here are two other good ones I thought about: "Ask Jesus into your heart." "I hope Jesus comes back before I have to pay my student fees." Oh... and how can we forget all the bumper stickers? "WARNING: IN CASE OF RAPTURE THIS CAR WILL BE UNMANED" Rodney Carrington in one of his stand-up comedy sessions said something great: "If you ever get the chance to go to a Baptist revival... jump off a fucking cliff." |
| Posted by: Reach Dec 28 2004, 06:52 AM |
| "Jesus is the reason for the season," is one of my most detested phrases. |
| Posted by: Mr. Neil Dec 28 2004, 06:57 AM |
| "God didn't create sin. Man chose sin." Grrr... *shaking fist* Grrrrr!!!! |
| Posted by: Lokmer Dec 28 2004, 07:02 AM | ||
My response to that (which one day I will have made into a bumper sticker): "The sacrilization of astronomy is the reason for the season." ----------------- As far as my own detested Xian terminology, I get really gut-wrenchingly sick at phrases like "It's God's will" or "give it to God" or similar attempts at cheeky fatalism. I also hate lines like "I love you with the love of Jesus" or "Peace/Love that passes understanding." They're just so... Dehumanizing. ------------------ Fortunately, this holiday season is over. The next one is a few months away, enough time to store up some choice comebacks and playful cynicism to stymie the misguided sun worshippers when they think they're attending a "son-rise" service. -Lokmer |
| Posted by: Reach Dec 28 2004, 07:07 AM | ||
The birthday party may be over but the damn signs are still up everywhere I look. I can hardly wait... |
| Posted by: Messi Dec 28 2004, 02:40 PM |
| My least favourite of all termingology is the saying "Praise Lord that He saved my son from the expolsion" while all the person died from it. |
| Posted by: Ashlynn Dec 29 2004, 07:36 PM | ||
I say life is a crap shoot. Nothing more-nothing less.  And if someone were to say that to me during an intensely difficult time in my life, I would want to say 'fuck you'.  |
| Posted by: spidermonkey Dec 29 2004, 07:49 PM | ||
It is dehumanizing, and you know why? Because when I left the church, the "I lurve you with the lurve of JEEBUS!" crowd turned their backs on me. When I initially left the pentecult, I wasn't sure which spiritual direction I wanted to take. There was a time in my mid to late teens when I wanted to ditch the cult but find a more understanding church. All I knew was that I wanted to escape charismania, but after all was said and done, I wanted nothing to do with buybull-ghod. The way I was treated illustrated the character of those "loving" church people....and of their "loving" ghod. |
| Posted by: Reach Dec 30 2004, 05:37 AM | ||
The Great Creator was selective. He only created some things. http://users.rcn.com/rostmd/winace/designed_organisms/ Another one I can't stand... "It is not given to man to understand all the mysteries of God." Grrrrr!!!! Indeed! |
| Posted by: Mr. Neil Dec 30 2004, 05:53 AM | ||
That page is loaded with nonsense. I love how he calls Kenneth Miller a God-hating evolutionist, as if evolution is founded on the principle of godlessness. Silly fundies.
Hahahaha! Why? There should be no default assuption, aside from the assumption that all assertions are false until verified. Just another case where theism needs special rules in logic in order to survive. Here's one from a topic in the debate section. I think you all know who I'm quoting... "God answers all prayers. He just doesn't always say yes." Another version... "Sometimes the answer is yes, but sometimes the answer is no. Just because nothing happens doesn't mean that the prayer isn't answered." I love Christians and their desperate rationalizations. |
| Posted by: Reach Dec 30 2004, 06:00 AM | ||||
Neil, did you somehow miss the sarcasm? Or did I miss something there?
|
| Posted by: sexkitten Dec 30 2004, 09:15 AM | ||||
And now you can have some of those various disgusting critters for your very own!  http://www.giantmicrobes.com/ |
| Posted by: Mr. Neil Dec 30 2004, 09:24 AM | ||||
Oh, oops. You know, it's really hard to tell sometimes! It's like that Objective: Christian Ministries site. It's easy to get fooled by stuff like this, because the parody is often equally as insane as the creationist material which it lampoons. Just see Kent Hovind's site, for example. I have a tough time inferring sarcasm from text, I suppose, but if I had even bothered to look at the URL or any of the various parts of the page which clearly say "WinAce", I would have figured it out immediately. |
| Posted by: Castleberry Dec 30 2004, 09:31 PM |
| um.. sounds like everyone in this room just needs to "give their [irritation] over Jesus." [insert current emotion] |
| Posted by: Reach Dec 31 2004, 08:19 AM | ||||
Same here. Did you see this thread? WinAce is now a member here!  http://exchristian.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=1585
Give it over to Jesus, brother (or sister). |
| Posted by: Mr. Neil Jan 1 2005, 06:36 AM |
| Here's one that makes me gnash my teeth. "If there is no objective morality, then rape and murder is okay." |
| Posted by: Castleberry Jan 2 2005, 11:39 AM |
| "I want to get down on my knees and please Jesus." LMFAO... ARE THEY SO NAIVE?!?! |
| Posted by: spidermonkey Jan 2 2005, 11:50 AM | ||
|
| Posted by: spidermonkey Jan 2 2005, 11:58 AM |
| I also hate it when you bring up any hypocrisy or asshole behavior of fundies and their fellow Borg members will counter you with: "You're confusing ghod with people!" "People aren't perfect. Only ghod is perfect." "But you'll have that kind of behavior in any church." Those types of statements basically take the focus of the moronic behavior and places the blame on you for being too picky. |
| Posted by: bemuseme Jan 2 2005, 08:14 PM |
| And let us not forget the brainwashing starts young, Jesus loves me this I know... Cause the bible tells me so... Little ones to him belong... They(we) are weak, but he is strong... Really rallys the self esteem huh? WTF??? |
| Posted by: Joe1980 Jan 4 2005, 06:20 PM |
"Let go and let God"  |
| Posted by: Godless Wonder Jan 4 2005, 07:06 PM |
| My favorite bit of Christian terminology is the word "hermeneutics" because it always makes me think of a http://www.autographsmovieposters.com/Gywnne_Fred_SP.jpg exercise video. Which is hilarious, and makes about as much sense as the results of most attempts at http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=define%3A+hermeneutics&btnG=Google+Search. |
| Posted by: Valgeir Jan 4 2005, 07:40 PM |
| "Never underestimate my Jesus, you're telling me there's no hope, I'm telling you you're wrong." Christian ex-girlfriend's current MSN display name. Sweet, sweet girl, but... confused.  |