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ExChristian.Net Open Forums > Sex and Christianity > Losing Virginity
Posted by: Libertus Jan 27 2004, 06:37 PM
Michelle's comment about teen sexual activity in my thread on abortion gave me the idea to do this. I'm just curious about the range of answers that may be out there. Many of us are parents, and we need to realize that just as our answers are going to be quite varied, our childrens answers later in life will be too. We have to take steps to protect them from what they might do, not just what we want them to do.
Xpen
Posted by: ~Josalo~ Jan 27 2004, 06:39 PM
Damn, who put thirteen?
Posted by: woodsmoke Jan 27 2004, 06:50 PM
Give me a little while, then I'll be able to answer this one.
Plenty of foreplay to the point of orgasm, but as far as actual intercourse..... Haven't gotten that lucky quite yet.
Posted by: Reach Jan 27 2004, 06:54 PM
QUOTE (~Josalo~ @ Jan 27 2004, 06:39 PM)
Damn, who put thirteen?
I thought that was your vote, ~Josalo~ ;)
Posted by: Libertus Jan 27 2004, 06:58 PM
reach Posted on Jan 27 2004, 06:54 PM
QUOTE
QUOTE (~Josalo~ @ Jan 27 2004, 06:39 PM)
QUOTE
Damn, who put thirteen?
I thought that was your vote, ~Josalo~ ;)
Okay, okay . . . that was me.
Xpen
Posted by: starstuff Jan 27 2004, 07:11 PM
Hummm . . .
You forgot the option "still a virgin." There are a few of us around still. I may or may not wait until I'm married, but I'll definately wait until a guy comes around who I feel something for (and only if the feeling is mutual, of course).
Posted by: Libertus Jan 27 2004, 07:16 PM
Yeah, I certainly apologize to you Starstuff and others, I realized that after I posted it, but I can't go back and change the poll. Your vote is noted though.
Xpen
Posted by: Guest Jan 27 2004, 07:19 PM
Well, I lost my virginity to my left and right hands many many times, does that count?
Posted by: ~Josalo~ Jan 27 2004, 07:20 PM
baah that was me
Posted by: Doug2 Jan 27 2004, 07:25 PM
Adam West married his left hand in the show "Family Guy". During the ceremony his right hand objected.
Adam: You had your chance!
Sorry. Off topic.
I think this poll may be skewed by so many of us that were hardcore christians in our teens.
Posted by: Libertus Jan 27 2004, 07:27 PM
Possibly Doug. I thought about throwing that in there, but I didn't want to have too many options. Oh well, we'll see what happens.
Xpen
Posted by: lostandconfused Jan 27 2004, 07:45 PM
still a virgin, unless Rosie Palm and her 5 sisters count
Posted by: michelle Jan 27 2004, 08:04 PM
I was 14, he was 16. Theres only been 2 men that its been meaningful with, the first one & the current one. I lost my virginity at 36 if ya wanna get specific about it.
Posted by: SpaceFalcon2001 Jan 27 2004, 08:04 PM
QUOTE (Doug2 @ Jan 27 2004, 10:25 PM)
I think this poll may be skewed by so many of us that were hardcore christians in our teens.
I have a few friends who lost their virginity at hardcore christian camps. Hehe, funniest thing I ever heard
Posted by: Matthew Jan 27 2004, 08:57 PM
This poll reminded me of a family sitcom I used to watch years ago called Family Matters. Eddie Winslow was helping his buddy Waldo Faldo fill out an application for a culinary school. Waldo was starting to fill it out and said "Okay..name..got one" and he put a check mark in the name space. "Address? Got one of those too" and put another check mark in the place he was suppose to fill out his address. When it came to the gender mark for sex he wrote "Soon I hope".
That would have been a funny option had it been available, but I guess I am going to join starstuff and file for n/a.
Matthew
Posted by: Cerise Jan 27 2004, 10:38 PM
I suppose it depends on what you mean by virginity. If you mean it in the sense of "when did you give yourself sexually to a person" then that hasn't happened yet. If you mean, "when did someone insert Tab A into Slot B" then I think I was...ten, maybe? Eleven? Somewhere around there anyway.
Personally, I believe you can't lose your virginity unless it comes from consensual sex, so I still call myself a virgin. Non-consensual sex isn't so much sex anyway as it is violence and manipulation and control.
Posted by: .:ºstankdeezº:. Jan 27 2004, 11:35 PM
cerise,
you're damn right there my friend.
i personally lost mine at 18 and up until then i always wondered why they called it 'losing your virginity' then i realized why... somewhere, over the rainbow, my virginity ran away with his penis....
cause i couldnt find that mofo....
i really, really couldnt.
Posted by: Matthew Jan 28 2004, 01:20 AM
QUOTE
If you mean, "when did someone insert Tab A into Slot B" then I think I was...ten, maybe? Eleven? Somewhere around there anyway.
I thought for some time that it didn't matter if there was penetration. I thought what gave away being a virgin was if there was an orgasm from ejaculation. A guy can penetrate all he wants but unless juice comes out, he's still a virgin.
Matthew
Posted by: HeathenM0M Jan 28 2004, 05:50 AM
I lost my virginity at 16, with another 16 year old Christian. It wasn't at bible camp though.
Posted by: Lokmer Jan 28 2004, 08:49 AM
A dear friend pointed out to me that no one loses their virginity. Some have it stolen, some give it away, and some misplace it, but no one loses it.
-Lokmer
Posted by: 603269726 Jan 28 2004, 11:12 AM
i gave mine away at 18 to my highschool sweetheart... she's now my wife. (10 years this sept.)
Posted by: Erik the Awful Jan 28 2004, 04:51 PM
huh...
I gave mine to a girl. After a while she got tired of me and left. Anyhow, we didn't do it right. It wasn't really that great the first time. But we kept workin at it and eventually got it figured out.
If sex ed were worth anything it would teach us how to do it right the first time.
Posted by: Emperor Norton II Jan 28 2004, 05:28 PM
I'm in the "still a virgin" boat with Matthew and the rest.... *le sigh*
Posted by: ~Josalo~ Jan 28 2004, 06:15 PM
hmmm, I'm stil goin' with my right hand over my left though....
Posted by: .:WebMaster:. Jan 28 2004, 06:28 PM
QUOTE (starstuff @ Jan 27 2004, 10:11 PM)
Hummm . . .
You forgot the option "still a virgin." There are a few of us around still. I may or may not wait until I'm married, but I'll definately wait until a guy comes around who I feel something for (and only if the feeling is mutual, of course).
Okay,
Now you can vote...
Posted by: Libertus Jan 28 2004, 06:32 PM
QUOTE (WebMaster @ Jan 28 2004, 06:28 PM)
QUOTE
Okay,
Now you can vote...
Thank you very much Dave. I can't believe I left out that option.
Xpen
Posted by: I Broke Free Jan 28 2004, 07:03 PM
I wonder if I should create another poll.
If you have never done it with the "opposite" sex, are you still a virgin?
Posted by: Libertus Jan 28 2004, 07:06 PM
QUOTE (I BROKE FREE @ Jan 28 2004, 07:03 PM)
I wonder if I should create another poll.
If you have never done it with the "opposite" sex, are you still a virgin?
Only if you wanna be, IBF, only if you wanna be.
Xpen
Posted by: michelle Jan 28 2004, 09:49 PM
Lokmers right, you dont lose it.
Posted by: Lanakila Jan 29 2004, 09:41 AM
QUOTE (Erik the Awful @ Jan 28 2004, 07:51 PM)
huh...
I gave mine to a girl. After a while she got tired of me and left. Anyhow, we didn't do it right. It wasn't really that great the first time. But we kept workin at it and eventually got it figured out.
If sex ed were worth anything it would teach us how to do it right the first time.
Sex ed just teaches you how the plumbing works. That and how to make sure you use birth control, and protect yourself from Aids. Sure didn't teach how to make it fun.
I was 14, he was much older. I gave it away, because it was a noose about my neck. It wasn't fun, and was quite painful, and took many more times before it became fun. I guess because those I was with had so much fun, and I get attention at least from it, I kept trying.
Eventually, I found someone who knew what the hell he was doing, and was able to make it good for me as well, but it took alot of frogs to find the "prince".
Posted by: Fweethawt Jan 29 2004, 11:34 AM
Hey Xpen,
I took 2nd place in the 13 year slot.
I remember it all, and it was over so damn quick, and I only had ONE DAMN CONDOM! (that never happened again)
She didn't go away unsatisfied though!
To this day, I can still recall the look on the pharmacist's face when I walked into the drug-store at age 13 to buy a box of condoms. (it was priceless!) (the "look" AND the box of condoms of course)
We were both 13 at the time, and we went together off and on throughout highschool. We've been married for 15 years now.
Posted by: Libertus Jan 29 2004, 03:38 PM
QUOTE
We were both 13 at the time, and we went together off and on throughout highschool. We've been married for 15 years now.
I wasn't going to post anything until after I go eat dinner, but I think that this deserves an immediate "Wow!".
Xpen
P.S. I'm also glad to hear that I'm not the only one who started at such an early age. These gecks were making me feel like a weirdo.
Posted by: ~Josalo~ Jan 29 2004, 03:59 PM
(_)_)lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllD~~~~~
Posted by: Shadfox Jan 29 2004, 04:33 PM
My mother always signed the note required to get me out of sex education. Like most fundies, she believed it was a brainwashing course in homosexuality and premarital sex.
No complaints, though. I'd rather learn about sex on the internet than from my crusty science teacher.
Posted by: sexkitten Jan 29 2004, 05:07 PM
QUOTE (Shadfox @ Jan 29 2004, 04:33 PM)
My mother always signed the note required to get me out of sex education. Like most fundies, she believed it was a brainwashing course in homosexuality and premarital sex.
No complaints, though. I'd rather learn about sex on the internet than from my crusty science teacher.
Thank god my parents weren't fundies (or Christians, even). I never brought home the notes to sign, and was all too happy to take the classes because my parents weren't telling me anything useful. Not that the sex ed classes taught me very much, either.
Thank goodness for the AMA family medical encyclopedia. I wouldn't have found my own clitoris without it. :twisted:
Posted by: michelle Jan 29 2004, 05:29 PM
Posted by: ~Josalo~ Jan 29 2004, 06:26 PM
QUOTE (sexkitten @ Jan 29 2004, 07:07 PM)
Thank goodness for the AMA family medical encyclopedia. I wouldn't have found my own clitoris without it.
ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Posted by: woodsmoke Jan 29 2004, 10:07 PM
QUOTE
P.S. I'm also glad to hear that I'm not the only one who started at such an early age. These gecks were making me feel like a weirdo.
You're not a weirdo, Xpen. Just lucky.
I may still be a virgin, but believe me, it is most definitely not due to a lack of trying.
Posted by: Captain Ambivalent Jan 30 2004, 12:32 PM
I'll start the bidding with a 23...
Posted by: TexasFreethinker Jan 30 2004, 12:58 PM
I was a college senior when I had my first sexual experience with another person.
I was witnessing to my roommate, trying to "win him to jesus". I knew he was a terrible sinner because he would bring different girls back to our apartment for sex almost every night.
As I told him how jesus could save him he leaned over and unbuttoned my jeans. It stopped me dead in my tracks.
I never witnessed to anyone else again.
Posted by: SpaceFalcon2001 Jan 30 2004, 07:15 PM
QUOTE (Shadfox @ Jan 29 2004, 07:33 PM)
My mother always signed the note required to get me out of sex education. Like most fundies, she believed it was a brainwashing course in homosexuality and premarital sex.
Sounds like these days your mother might prefer sex education. It's now all about brainwashing with abstinance and the evils of premarital sex.
While it's not something I would keep my kids out of, I would severly warn them of it and not to take anything beyond the science of it seriously.
Posted by: Baby Eater Jan 31 2004, 08:55 PM
"We were both 13 at the time, and we went together off and on throughout highschool. We've been married for 15 years now. "
Indeed, wow.
The first thought that come to my mind is how it must be to both grow sexually like that togheter. Weird, the thought confuse me, dunno why.
Posted by: nightbreeze Feb 2 2004, 11:41 AM
It was three days after I got my driver's license. Near a cemetery. How apt.
Posted by: bdpuffin Feb 2 2004, 08:05 PM
41 and counting...
Funny thing is I could have gotten laid when I was 15 - I was lying on the lawn at a city park, a car pulled up with a man driving and a woman got out, walked right up to me, and said 'Ya wanna f*ck?' A few thoughts flew through my head, like "I get paid Friday, come back then' or 'Sorry, I like being disease free' or 'Does your friend take pictures or just watch?' Ultimately I just said 'No thanks' and got the most incredulous look - guess she wasn't used to being turned down by horny 15-year-olds. ..
bdp
Posted by: Doug2 Feb 4 2004, 06:01 PM
Wow, did you look 15 at the time?
Posted by: Buddy4me17 Feb 5 2004, 12:25 PM
Just thought I'd toss in my 2 cents. I think that any penetration is sex, with or without release.
And while I would never recommend that someone remain a virgin until marrage, I would recommend that a virgin wait to find someone they care about (not nesessarily love). A person's first time is almost always awkward and for a girl, usually uncomfortable or painful. If you are with someone you care about and who cares about you, it can still be an experience to enjoy.
On the practical side for the guys who are still virgins - listen up, I wish someone told me this when I was your age:
1) find the clitoris and give her at LEAST one orgasm before you actually have sex - she will still be uncomfortable, but at least she got off first.
2) use lubrication - I would recomend k-y or astroglide. It may make the difference for the girl between liking it and not liking it. (as a side note astroglide is also good for masturbation)
3) go slow. Go slower than you think you should. She will probably be tense and will need the time to relax those muscles.
Good luck kids!
Posted by: bdpuffin Feb 5 2004, 12:53 PM
QUOTE
Wow, did you look 15 at the time?
Oh yes, most definitely - she was late 20's, maybe even early 30's as I recall, and knew full well who she was approaching. As I indicated, I don't know if the guy's purpose was in taking pictures or if he just watched or what; one of those mysteries whose answers I will never know...
bdp
Posted by: starstuff Feb 9 2004, 04:31 PM
QUOTE (Buddy4me17 @ Feb 5 2004, 12:25 PM)
On the practical side for the guys who are still virgins - listen up, I wish someone told me this when I was your age:
1) find the clitoris and give her at LEAST one orgasm before you actually have sex - she will still be uncomfortable, but at least she got off first.
2) use lubrication - I would recomend k-y or astroglide. It may make the difference for the girl between liking it and not liking it. (as a side note astroglide is also good for masturbation)
3) go slow. Go slower than you think you should. She will probably be tense and will need the time to relax those muscles.
Good luck kids!
From the female point of view, that sounds like very good advice
I hope my first will follow it . . .
Posted by: jjacksonRIAB Feb 9 2004, 04:37 PM
Still waiting for her...
Posted by: woodsmoke Feb 10 2004, 11:27 PM
Ditto.
Posted by: Libertus Feb 11 2004, 07:29 AM
Jackson and Woody
That kind of attitude will definitely score you guys some points in the good guy category, and if you follow Buddy's advice when you fond her, then you'll have more points all around.
The most important thing, though, will be LISTEN TO HER and ASK HER FOR DIRECTION!
Xpen
Posted by: Buddy4me17 Feb 13 2004, 04:22 PM
True - I should have also included Xpen's advice - listen to her
And for the women (or just Starstuff if noone else is reading this), if the guy you are with doesn't know about the advice above, then give it to him. Guys are facinated (especially virgins) by women's anatomy and how they work. We know what we are like; teenage boys touch themselves everyday (usually many times a day) they almost never tough a woman. So we expect that you will know what you like (if you don't know - then masturbate so you do know) and tell us. Teenage boys thing that sticking a finger in a girl is all that there is to it, but it is up to you to disabuse them of that notion. Take responsibility for your own pleasure and tell the boy what to do. (calling him bitch and having him yell your name - a la American Pie, is optional)
Buddy
Posted by: JezebelLeFey Feb 15 2004, 08:15 PM
Yes, ladies, you need to know your own arousals before anyone else does. Otherwise, it'll just be a spectator sport.
Posted by: Libertus Feb 15 2004, 08:22 PM
Yes, not all young men have a copy of Gray's Anatomy or anything sitting around. Until I found it, I thought that the vagina was in the front. It only made sense to me.
Xpen
Posted by: Libertus Feb 15 2004, 08:24 PM
Of course, most of them do have fairly easy access to porn, but some are completely clueless and even if they do look at porn, they are to ecstatic to even grasp what they are looking at.
Xpen
Posted by: Sanguine Feb 16 2004, 03:46 AM
Had the opportunity fall right into my lap a few times through out high school, I declined each and every time because it didn't seem that important (and I never felt as strongly as they did) and given the life expectancy of high school relationships, I thought it would just result in hurt feelings, stupid rumours and alot of bad blood. Now that I'm about to start uni, retrospectively it seems like it might have been better to "get it out of the way".
Posted by: Buddy4me17 Feb 17 2004, 01:45 PM
I disagree - it creates a sweet memory if your first time is with someone you care about.
Buddy
Posted by: Sanguine Feb 17 2004, 03:30 PM
QUOTE
I disagree - it creates a sweet memory if your first time is with someone you care about.
I'll keep that in mind, might need more than that to conquer the "stage fright"
Posted by: Buddy4me17 Feb 18 2004, 04:29 PM
Well, I would recommend NOT doing on stage with an audience for your first time. But you are free to do what you like.
Posted by: biggles7268 Feb 19 2004, 05:57 AM
Hookers are the way to go
seriously though it's really not worth rushing into, find someone you care about. That seems to be the tricky part for me anyway.
Posted by: Moreover The Dog Feb 19 2004, 07:17 AM
I would have loved to get some at 12 13 14 or 15 but it wasn't until that magical moment with a skank who was 3 years older than me in the passenger seat of an Isuzu I Mark that I finally had my chance. Unfortunately, she let me know she was pregnant a few months later and there was a 1 in 4 chance I was the prospective father. But that's another story.
Posted by: TalkingDonkey Feb 19 2004, 08:19 AM
I already voted, but specifically, I was 14 when I lost my virginity to my best friend's mom (who was 36).
Yes... I lived every young man's dream and I'm here to tell you, it was awesome (even if it was statutory rape).
Luckily, I was Catholic at the time, so after confession, the Sky Fairy had to forgive me. Hehehehe...
Posted by: Moreover The Dog Feb 19 2004, 08:48 AM
That's an amazing accomplishment on your first try Señor Donkey. Friend's mom? That's one notch on your belt! You're 1/3 of the way to a hetero male triple crown!
For those of you who don't know, a hetero male triple crown is -
bag a guy friends mom
hot mother daughter action
tag identical twins in a 3 way
Posted by: ericf Feb 19 2004, 09:22 AM
For the first one I would have no problem. Older women could be cool. The mother daughter thing could be cool but sounds like a lot of work keeping it a secret. Identical twins in a three-way... hmm, you know one of my friends could pick up two of these at once... since my mom is an identicle twin!!! UGH!!! MUST CLEAN BRAIN.
Posted by: TalkingDonkey Feb 19 2004, 11:14 AM
Don't down your instincts, EricF!
I used to breed Chow-Chows.
It's cool. I ain't judging.
Posted by: Moreover The Dog Feb 19 2004, 11:17 AM
Your own mother doesn't count. That's just gross.
Posted by: Lanakila Feb 19 2004, 11:20 AM
Guys this is getting weird even for me, and I am into some kinky stuff.
Posted by: brick Feb 19 2004, 11:25 AM
At 20, 3 months into my first heavy relationship. We were both virgins and she was 2 years older than me. It was a bit better than terrible, and improved little while we were together. We didn't last too long before we went our separate ways.
Have great sex now though!
Posted by: Moreover The Dog Feb 19 2004, 12:26 PM
Sorry to gross you out, Lanakila! You know, there may be a hetero Female triple crown, too. There may also exist gay male and gay female triple crowns. However, hetero guys aren't savvy to this info.
Posted by: lostandconfused Feb 19 2004, 01:23 PM
i dunno, doin old chicks wouldn't be part of my triple crown...
mine would be:
threesome with hot barely legal identical twins
doing a hot barely legal non-cosmetically-enhanced celebrity
finding my true soulmate and doing her
Posted by: TalkingDonkey Feb 19 2004, 01:38 PM
Wow... interesting take on the Triple Crown.
Are you hetero, L&C?
Posted by: Moreover The Dog Feb 19 2004, 06:42 PM
I didn't say the hetero male triple crown was a goal I was pursuing. It is what it is. You can't just make up your own triple crown. That would just be silly!
Posted by: ericf Feb 19 2004, 06:43 PM
I wasn't thinking about personally trying to use my predicament (twin mother) to get to a triple-crown in two steps. But I was thinking about the triple-crown and it occured to me that my friends might be able to do that! Then the mental image -- straight from Freud -- and I just could not continue the post... I needed a nice boiling hot bath in bleach.
BTW: You know your mom is an identical twin when your aunt and her can fool their own children.
Anyway... being a virgin still I am very far away from any real notches in my belt.
Posted by: Lanakila Feb 19 2004, 06:44 PM
I don't have sexual goals. Maybe that is a young horny man thing?
Posted by: Moreover The Dog Feb 19 2004, 06:45 PM
You'd better watch your friends closely, buddy!
Posted by: ericf Feb 19 2004, 06:46 PM
Sex, in itself, is a sexual goal. Maybe you don't have goals about who different people you want to sleep with -- I think most men don't even consider it a real goal more of a fantasy.
Posted by: ericf Feb 19 2004, 06:48 PM
I don't want to be sick here... and I should just keep my mouth shut with my earlier comment... but my mom needs to get laid. A good rough night of sex might just knock her off the altar. If anything it might get her to calm down about it.
Posted by: Moreover The Dog Feb 19 2004, 06:56 PM
My mom started to chill out after she went back to school to finish her education (at 50 years old). Not only did she learn to accept other walks of life AND stop Bible thumping, but she also stopped cooking my dad's dinner for him every night! I think her World Religions class she took was the turning point.
Posted by: TalkingDonkey Feb 20 2004, 06:06 AM
Well, Eric... since I am going for the triple crown...
Wanna hang out sometime? Get a beer or something? Discuss politics, religion, or whatnot?
Maybe I can swing by your place and meet your mom... er, parents. Talk some sense into her... er, them... ya know?
Posted by: Lanakila Feb 20 2004, 06:31 AM
QUOTE (ericf @ Feb 19 2004, 09:46 PM)
Sex, in itself, is a sexual goal. Maybe you don't have goals about who different people you want to sleep with -- I think most men don't even consider it a real goal more of a fantasy.
Well then I have the goal of sex in itself. That sounds strange though. I have goals of having fun in this life. Hopefully that involves sex with someone besides myself in the future. For some reason I think it will.
Women have fantasies too. Maybe that is a good topic to start a thread on. It's been done elsewhere though, and some of us will be too shy to share I think.
Posted by: ericf Feb 20 2004, 09:21 AM
Seriously, as a heterosexual male I can promise you that the triple-crown is not something I have on my list of things to do this year. It makes for nice fantasy but in real life it would create problems that I just don't want to deal with. In your head there are no strings attached to sex and no awkward glances next time you meet. This isn't the thread to discuss fantasies but I know women have them as well as men. And staying on the topic... I knew a girl who admitted that she had a fantasy where she was taken by force (yes the four letter R word). She admitted that she enjoyed the fantasy. But do I think she wants that to happen in real life? Not at all. Same with the triple-crown with men.
I have a goal to have sex with someone other than myself in the future also. That is probably my only sexual goal... and if I can manage it I would even like to have a relationship with that person. Although this early in the morning, right before I go to bed after working all night, I admit that I might accept the physical act without the relationship -- should that be offered. What can I say? I get horney before bed.
Posted by: Lanakila Feb 20 2004, 09:38 AM
Getting horny is normal at any time of the day for many of us. Its funny though that men go through their prime in between the ages os 18 and 25, and women much later. I guess I am supposed to date young men, hehe.
I am not horny lately, but once I recover from my surgery, I will be back to normal in that department I am sure. Which according to some people is above normal I guess hehe.
Posted by: Moreover The Dog Feb 24 2004, 10:46 AM
Note to Ericf - if at age 24 you still haven't gotten any, you're probably just a little too picky. Suck it up and lower your standards, my friend. The magical poon isn't that elusive. You just have to try harder.
Posted by: ericf Feb 24 2004, 11:26 AM
It is mostly due to the fact that I am living at home (strike one) with my mother (strikes 2-97) and working 40+ hours a week with a full course load. I would love to somehow work a nice non-christian woman into that schedule but it isn't easy.
Posted by: TalkingDonkey Feb 24 2004, 11:51 AM
Feh!
Just remember your math, Eric...
Weight + Acne Scars
____________________ - $X.00 chipped in for hotel
Time Since Last Orgasm
Posted by: Moreover The Dog Feb 24 2004, 02:56 PM
QUOTE
I would love to somehow work a nice non-christian woman into that schedule but it isn't easy.
Non-xian chicks are so jaded. Find you a nice Southern Baptist gal and pretend to be into her religious bullshit and get you some nice holier-than-thou tang.
Of course, I personally prefer jaded, but I've already been there done that with the religious innocent types.
Posted by: ericf Feb 24 2004, 03:12 PM
Oh god, not a god-woman... they freak me out! Besides, they all want to save it for marriage -- and there is no way in hell I am marrying a fundie. Jesus-fucking-christ I would rather be a monk!!!
Now, count how many references I made to a belief in the Christian mode of thought -- even blasphemous ones... I am half-way back to landing a christian girl.
Posted by: Moreover The Dog Feb 24 2004, 03:48 PM
Dude. You give up too easily. A fundie chick is way easier to nail than a jaded X-crisp. Fundie girls are just begging for a reason to be bad and reject all of the religious bullshit their parents taught them. They are freaks. X-crisp's are more challenging because they have things like self esteem and intelligence, so they're not as likely to just put out for the hell of it. That said, they're sexier for it. But you gotta get laid first before you start discriminating.
Posted by: Moreover The Dog Feb 24 2004, 03:54 PM
QUOTE
they all want to save it for marriage
Don't ever believe that for a second! It is a lie perpetrated by Pat Robertson, Jerry Fallwell, GW Bush, and Richard Ashcroft. All of those men are conspiring to cut off your balls!!!!!!
Posted by: Lanakila Feb 24 2004, 07:42 PM
Um Its JOhn Ashcroft, not Richard.
Not all ex's are stingy with sex though. You just gotta find you a 30+ year old Eric. She'll teach you some good stuff, cause she already knows.
Posted by: biggles7268 Mar 1 2004, 04:38 AM
QUOTE (Moreover The Dog @ Feb 24 2004, 03:48 PM)
Dude. You give up too easily. A fundie chick is way easier to nail than a jaded X-crisp. Fundie girls are just begging for a reason to be bad and reject all of the religious bullshit their parents taught them. They are freaks. X-crisp's are more challenging because they have things like self esteem and intelligence, so they're not as likely to just put out for the hell of it. That said, they're sexier for it. But you gotta get laid first before you start discriminating.
ROLFMAO, damn that was good
Posted by: jjacksonRIAB Mar 5 2004, 06:18 PM
QUOTE (ericf @ Feb 24 2004, 11:26 AM)
It is mostly due to the fact that I am living at home (strike one) with my mother (strikes 2-97) and working 40+ hours a week with a full course load. I would love to somehow work a nice non-christian woman into that schedule but it isn't easy.
Hey Eric,
Just wanted to let you know that I'm 24 and a virgin too. It's a matter of opportunity and motive
First, I don't want to lower my standards. Now, I don't want to offend any women here, but I would prefer her to be an atheist (or at least not evangelical) and have no children, but she doesn't have to be a virgin; I don't give a rat's ass whether she is or not.
It's not that I have a problem with children, but I'm just not ready for them. I've had my share of women who wanted to go out with me and always I said no (because most of them had children and the other ones were Christian) because I am looking for more than an easy lay, unless they are not deluded to the fact that it will be a one night stand. But then, I'd be worried that my wang would be guiding me to the next thrill and someone would get hurt...
Plus, even now I feel I'm too easily manipulated by women. That could land me in a bad situation being with someone I don't want to be with because I wouldn't want to pull out of the relationship, so while I think I have a good understanding of women, I have to get over that first hurdle.
Look at me, real tough guy.
Also, the final reason I haven't gotten any: I spend too much time here.
Posted by: ericf Mar 5 2004, 09:47 PM
jackson... your reasons seem pretty similar to mine. Ah well, I can wait.
Posted by: jjacksonRIAB Mar 6 2004, 09:46 PM
QUOTE (ericf @ Mar 5 2004, 09:47 PM)
jackson... your reasons seem pretty similar to mine. Ah well, I can wait.
Yeah, we're virtually in the same boat.
I'm still living at home too, but I'm looking for every means possible to get out.
Posted by: Baby Eater Mar 10 2004, 11:29 PM
If at 24 I'm still not laid, I hire a prostitute! (JOKE)
Man, that thing on rotten (http://www.rotten.com/library/sex/prostitution/) really made me laugh rolling on the floor...
Posted by: Stargazer Mar 11 2004, 12:22 AM
I'm still a virgin.
Posted by: The Pure One Mar 13 2004, 10:49 AM
QUOTE (jjacksonRIAB @ Mar 5 2004, 06:18 PM)
Hey Eric,
Just wanted to let you know that I'm 24 and a virgin too. It's a matter of opportunity and motive
First, I don't want to lower my standards. Now, I don't want to offend any women here, but I would prefer her to be an atheist (or at least not evangelical) and have no children, but she doesn't have to be a virgin; I don't give a rat's ass whether she is or not.
Dude, you're a virgin. What does it matter whether she's an atheist or a bible thumper, as long as she puts out? ;)
I have it from a reputable sex therapist friend (www.sexdoc.com) that until about the age of 17, we haven't yet developed the emotional and mental attributes to handle dealing with sex too well. So staying a virgin until 17, 18 is probably a good thing.
However, in my personal opinion, throwing away your early twenties is going to feel like just that when you're older - throwing away your early twenties. As a virgin, regardless of age, you need to not be looking at relationships seriously. I don't generally encourage one night stands per se, for the reason that sex is an emotionally intimate thing, we become vulnerable when we're naked, and getting too much practice separating the emotional aspect from the physical is probably not a good thing. In other words, if you train yourself via great numbers of one night stands to put a wall around your capacity for emotional intimacy, you may have a hard time dealing with intimacy. However you're not in that situation of course, that's one end of the spectrum.
The other end of the spectrum though is the "I'm going to be a virgin until I find the perfect person" thing. Bzzzzzzzt. Big mistake. Like anything else you are new to, you need experience. Before you can be in a happy, loving, satisfying, monogamous longterm relationship you need to know yourself and your needs and likes well enough to understand what you have vs. what you don't. As a young man, getting overly serious with the first girl you sleep with is invariably a huge mistake. Once the initial giddiness wears off, you will be wondering what else is out there, and that tension is the reason so many young marriages and relationships are ended.
Dating is auditioning people for compatibility. You are looking for someone who is emotionally, physically, spiritually, and intellectually compatible with you in order to have a mutually fulfilling relationship. Again you don't need to seek one-nighters, but it does neither person any good to drag a relationship beyond the point that it is obvious that you are incompatible. You don't know that you are physically compatible with someone until you have slept with them a number of times. Ergo, you are often forced to break off relationships that have become physically intimate. There is no need to be a dick about this, only to treat women well and with respect, and focus on compatibility. Saying "I don't feel we are compatible for the longterm" is a lot better than bailing out and not calling anymore, or being harsh in other ways about what you don't like about a person.
The older you get, the less time you have to waste, trust me. The pool of women who are beautiful, emotionally well-balanced, fun, happy, etc. diminishes as you get older, since they get snapped up. If you wait until you are in your thirties, the statistical likelihood of having to date women who turn out to be nutballs or have other undesirable qualities increases. Now as men we have the advantage of being able to date younger, but it is nevertheless true, the really good ones get snapped up sooner. ;) Later on there is more history and more baggage.
But at any age, this means not chasing someone for 6 months before there is any sex. You don't have to have a rule that it's 3 dates, or 5, or 6, but women will decide early on if they like you enough to consider sleeping with you. Some of them (as you will sadly find out, as all men must ;) ) are attention whores, who will allow you to shower them with attention, even gifts, endlessly, stringing you along for as long as your stupidity allows, while they're actually sleeping with someone else to boot. Such is the world these days, you will encounter this type. The key to avoid it is simply to not be a fool, salivating after some woman you desire, to the point that you are oblivious to what *her* real interest level in *you* is. This is a mistake you will also make, and must make if you are to appreciate the truth of what I'm saying. Don't be fake, don't try to impress in a forced way, just be yourself, be interested in her. Let her know the things you appreciate about her, and how you feel about her qualities as a woman. Just don't appear over-eager, there are other fish in the sea. Go on dates, enjoy each other's company. *Like* women. They are really neat. ;) Doesn't matter if you end up sleeping with them or not, that is not the goal. The goal is to get out and meet, to learn, to grow, to enjoy life, to have fun. Don't put pressure on yourself, or anyone else. If you hit it off with someone, then things should progress to the physical. If there is no progress in that department after X number of dates, ask her point blank if she sees the relationship getting physical at some point, because you feel it's an important part of getting to know someone. Of course, you shouldn't have to say this directly, it will become obvious with experience when a woman is into you and when she isn't. But if it isn't going to go there, move on. Also, don't put your eggs all in one basket. If you pursue only one woman at a time, you will have a tendency to overdo it. This doesn't imply sleeping with multiple women at the same time (which you can also do if you are honest with everyone) but you can go out on dates with any number of women simultaneously. Knowing that you date other women will also stimulate a woman's competitive streak, and make you seem to be a more valuable commodity, since other women are interested in you. Trust me, it is true. It is what is known as "getting the stank on you", in some circles. ;) Women could treat you like the dirt on their shoes when you're single, but when you're dating one woman, others will flock. It's like that one woman has already done a credit check on you, and found out you're not a slasher, you like women and you're a good guy, and then others want you as well. You do need to get the hell out of your mom's house though. ;)
So ideally, you should have been banging around by now, and as a male virgin it's not a bad idea to go for a casual relationship. (Did I mention you need to move the hell out of your mom's house? ;) ). In fact, you don't have the backround to safely do anything else, otherwise your emotional inexperience will get you trapped with the first woman who gives you a BJ in your life, and you will be blinded to all the ways you two are not compatible. Heck, there are plenty of horny thirty year old women who would be happy to have a 24 year old boy toy to show the ropes to, without the threat of committment. Just find someone you know well enough to trust, use two forms of birth control and make sure she's not going to keep a baby in the event of accidental pregnancy, and be safe about it.
There is no shame in being a virgin, but especially for a guy there isn't much special about it either. At 24, it's enough. You are wasting time. Don't be picky. You need to learn a pussy the way you learned to drive a car. ;) It's time to get out there and see what it's all about. I recommend listening to Tom Leykis if you get him on your local radio for some comical but effective advice on the subject. It's not to be taken seriously in terms of real relationships, but at your age and experience level you really need some fun flings before you are ready for a serious relationship. You should be *avoiding* committment, *avoiding* getting anyone pregnant, and having a good time.
Posted by: biggles7268 Mar 13 2004, 10:54 PM
I have to disagree with you on the avoiding commitment thing, if you find the right girl go for it. Don't hold back and miss out on the right thing, women won't wait till your ready.
Posted by: mandylibra1979 Mar 13 2004, 11:38 PM
Okay, so I have put off posting on this thread for far too long now.
I lost my virginity in the back seat of a car at 16 in a cop's driveway. I shit you not . . . a cop's driveway. My boyfriend at the time and I were driving around on rural backroads and simply found a place to pull over and do the deed. Later I found out that it was a cop's driveway. I was so freaked out.
My first time wasn't anything special, trust me. We were both virgins at the time which didn't help matters.
Anyhow, since then I have been completely de-virginized in every aspect. Sex is an awesome thing.
Posted by: biggles7268 Mar 14 2004, 12:22 AM
not sure that i want to post how i lost mine, lets just say it wasn't exactly worth it at the time.
Posted by: The Pure One Mar 14 2004, 08:09 AM
QUOTE (biggles7268 @ Mar 13 2004, 10:54 PM)
I have to disagree with you on the avoiding commitment thing, if you find the right girl go for it. Don't hold back and miss out on the right thing, women won't wait till your ready.
Hi Biggles,
I disagree only because he's a virgin. He wouldn't know the right girl, or be ready for her. The "right girl" for him right now is someone to get his feet wet with. Among other things. ;)
Posted by: ericf Mar 14 2004, 08:16 AM
Man people!!! This is my wang here... my choice.
[starts to chant "My body, my choice" just for kicks.]
Am I opposed to having a sexual relationship in the near future? Not at all. Am I in a rush to have a sexual relationship in the near future? Again, not at all. I can make due with my hand until the time is ready.
I would really like to finally take that extra step of actually sticking my hoo-hoo-dilly in a cha-cha but honestly it isn't my current obsession. If I was willing to do anything to get laid, I am sure I could get it done soon but I am not willing to do much right now. I have too much on my plate to worry about it until the summer at least. Working 40+ hours and going to school full time makes for visions of a bed as a place of rest not recreation.
Posted by: SpaceFalcon2001 Mar 14 2004, 12:29 PM
QUOTE (The Pure One @ Mar 14 2004, 11:09 AM)
I disagree only because he's a virgin. He wouldn't know the right girl, or be ready for her. The "right girl" for him right now is someone to get his feet wet with. Among other things. ;)
So you are saying anyone who decides to take the course of abstinance until marriage, doesn't really know how to choose a proper mate?
Not that marriage is working that great in this country either way, but that's a big assumption.
You know what happens when you ASS-U-ME, don't you?
Posted by: The Pure One Mar 14 2004, 01:40 PM
QUOTE (SpaceFalcon2001 @ Mar 14 2004, 12:29 PM)
So you are saying anyone who decides to take the course of abstinance until marriage, doesn't really know how to choose a proper mate?
Basically, yes. You have no basis for comparison. You also haven't matured emotionally since you have no experience with relationships, and therefore have a higher chance of 'growing apart' for that reason. The survival rate of such marriages is even lower than the average. Some few may get lucky, there are always exceptions.
Posted by: phoenix Mar 14 2004, 09:25 PM
bah. i lost my virginity at 19. it was romantic, but it wasn't fun at all. it didn't hurt.. it was just, well, boring...
and it still hasn't gotten better.
sex isn't all it's made out to be.
Posted by: The Pure One Mar 15 2004, 09:27 AM
QUOTE (phoenix @ Mar 14 2004, 09:25 PM)
bah. i lost my virginity at 19. it was romantic, but it wasn't fun at all. it didn't hurt.. it was just, well, boring...
and it still hasn't gotten better.
sex isn't all it's made out to be.
Phoenix,
Wait a minute here...correct me if I'm wrong, but you started the Oral Sex thread on Mar 3, stating you were about to lose your virginity. Today is the 15th. If my math is correct, then having been exposed to sex for what, two weeks, it's a bit early to be making judgements about it. Most people's first time(s) aren't all that. But it will get better. Or there may be another person who gets you going a lot more, there is such a thing as chemistry. This is why I tell virgins they need to get out, get some experience, get to know themselves, etc. I'm concerned that now with the morning after pill scare you're going to be even more negative about sex. Please don't be. You've also internalized a lot of negative messages about sex being dirty, you don't like the idea of oral sex. You are *not* over your Christian indoctrination, and you are seriously going to shortchange yourself if you persist in a negative mindset about sex. Please try to relax. After you the morning after pill scare behind you that is, I don't imagine you'll relax until that immediate fun is behind you. ;) Good luck, let us know how you do.
Posted by: Baby Eater Mar 15 2004, 12:55 PM
LOL!!!
I found this link on ebaumsworld: http://www.getsexynow.com/?hop=perfectmat
I just can't stand what's written!
"Garanteed! Get laid in 7 days..."
"That secret part on her body. Touch this secret spot and watch her explode into orgasmic convulsions! No shit!"
"Learn how to truly communicate with women in a way that will make her your sex slave! (This psychological warfare really isn't fair to women!)"
"Suck on this and watch her claw your back bloody in pleasure! It's not where you think but it is a direct highway to her pleasure zone!"
Errr...
Posted by: mandylibra1979 Mar 15 2004, 01:05 PM
that was hilarious! I love ebaumsworld!
Posted by: Baby Eater Mar 15 2004, 01:12 PM
There's also "double your dating" on the main page.
Hey about that link I posted "get laid in 7 days balhblah", well, you're supposed to recieve 20 books as a gift for the one book. And you have 13 minutes to command to get those.
Sound like a trap?
"Buy my book or never get laid muahahaha!"
Posted by: The Pure One Mar 16 2004, 09:19 AM
QUOTE (phoenix @ Mar 14 2004, 09:25 PM)
bah. i lost my virginity at 19. it was romantic, but it wasn't fun at all. it didn't hurt.. it was just, well, boring...
and it still hasn't gotten better.
sex isn't all it's made out to be.
After a couple days, it suddenly occurs to me to ask the obvious question. Have you had an orgasm?
Posted by: formerfundie Mar 16 2004, 10:40 AM
I found it most informative that the highest percentages of those responding were in the 20 y.o. and up category, or in the "still a virgin" category. absolutely incredible! I would have thought the average age was 16 - or even 18.
I'm glad it WAS 18 and NOT 16 for me - I got propositioned twice at 16, but was too naive to know what the guys meant at the time...I was such a goody goody, ha ha.
Posted by: The Pure One Mar 16 2004, 11:03 AM
QUOTE (formerfundie @ Mar 16 2004, 10:40 AM)
I found it most informative that the highest percentages of those responding were in the 20 y.o. and up category, or in the "still a virgin" category.
Skewed sample on this website, most likely. No idea what the average is, but 18 is better than 16 IMO.
Posted by: phoenix Mar 16 2004, 12:14 PM
QUOTE (The Pure One @ Mar 16 2004, 09:19 AM)
QUOTE (phoenix @ Mar 14 2004, 09:25 PM)
bah. i lost my virginity at 19. it was romantic, but it wasn't fun at all. it didn't hurt.. it was just, well, boring...
and it still hasn't gotten better.
sex isn't all it's made out to be.
After a couple days, it suddenly occurs to me to ask the obvious question. Have you had an orgasm?
not yet
Posted by: ericf Mar 16 2004, 01:29 PM
Anyway... we cannot consider the 20+ choice to be that large... if you look 16-19 has way more people in it than the 20+. It just looks larger because it covers a lot more time. And the virgin option has the opposite problem because 12 year olds could be selecting that one... it doesn't mean that they will remain a virgin till they are over 20. Lies, damned lies, and statistics.
Posted by: Libertus Mar 16 2004, 03:32 PM
QUOTE (phoenix @ Mar 16 2004, 12:14 PM)
QUOTE (The Pure One @ Mar 16 2004, 09:19 AM)
QUOTE (phoenix @ Mar 14 2004, 09:25 PM)
bah. i lost my virginity at 19. it was romantic, but it wasn't fun at all. it didn't hurt.. it was just, well, boring...
and it still hasn't gotten better.
sex isn't all it's made out to be.
After a couple days, it suddenly occurs to me to ask the obvious question. Have you had an orgasm?
not yet
I'm not a woman and won't attempt to give any real advice in this area, except to say "just keep trying". As I remember, you're experience is extremely limited.
As with most women, as I understand, this may require either your personal intervention or the subject of the other topic you started prior to this whole loss of virginity thing.
Xpen
Posted by: The Pure One Mar 16 2004, 04:27 PM
QUOTE (phoenix @ Mar 16 2004, 12:14 PM)
[
sex isn't all it's made out to be. [/QUOTE]
After a couple days, it suddenly occurs to me to ask the obvious question. Have you had an orgasm? [/QUOTE]
not yet
Phoenix,
Ah. Funny how the brain works, I was getting ready for work this morning, and out of the blue the thought popped into my head that the only way sex could be boring is if you're not having orgasms. I wasn't aware I was even thinking about the subject.
It's likely that this is due to your religious indoctrination that brainwashed you into thinking sex is a bad, dirty thing. One cannot have an orgasm if one is not relaxed mentally. If you *try* to have an orgasm, and make it a goal, the mental energy focused on the attempt will make you not have one. Sort of like one of those little floating spots you get in your vision sometimes, you try to look at it and it keeps moving away. ;)
In reality, sex is not defined by simply orgasm. Many forms of intimacy are sex whether or not anyone climaxes. So it's a mistake to think of a session as a 'failure' if it doesn't happen. Know what I mean? There can't a goal or pressure, you have to simply enjoy the moment, enjoy being with your partner, and focus on the pleasurable sensations, on how your body feels, what feels good, what feels better, etc. Focus on the sensations, and enjoy them guilt-free.
An important follow-up question...have you ever given *yourself* an orgasm? If you haven't achieved one by masturbation, then you don't have a handle on what gets you off. Everyone is wired differently, and better you know how to push your own buttons, the better you adjust what you and your partner are doing to give you pleasure.
I know this topic is discussed 1000 times in www.sexdoc.com archives, I'll check for a good link when I have time. If you *have* given yourself an orgasm, it's much easier to progress from there to having one with someone. One step at a time. Don't worry, this is not unusual. ;)
Posted by: sexkitten Mar 16 2004, 05:14 PM
QUOTE (The Pure One @ Mar 16 2004, 11:03 AM)
QUOTE (formerfundie @ Mar 16 2004, 10:40 AM)
I found it most informative that the highest percentages of those responding were in the 20 y.o. and up category, or in the "still a virgin" category.
Skewed sample on this website, most likely. No idea what the average is, but 18 is better than 16 IMO.
Average in this country was 15.8 a couple of years ago. Do not have new numbers, but probably about the same.
Studies do show that young adults who go on to college delay intercourse by an average of 1-2 years, which would make an average of 17 or 18 on this board something to be expected.
Posted by: phoenix Mar 16 2004, 08:34 PM
QUOTE (The Pure One @ Mar 16 2004, 04:27 PM)
An important follow-up question...have you ever given *yourself* an orgasm? If you haven't achieved one by masturbation, then you don't have a handle on what gets you off. Everyone is wired differently, and better you know how to push your own buttons, the better you adjust what you and your partner are doing to give you pleasure.
um... actually.. i've never masturbated...
Posted by: mandylibra1979 Mar 16 2004, 09:17 PM
QUOTE (phoenix @ Mar 17 2004, 12:34 AM)
QUOTE (The Pure One @ Mar 16 2004, 04:27 PM)
An important follow-up question...have you ever given *yourself* an orgasm? If you haven't achieved one by masturbation, then you don't have a handle on what gets you off. Everyone is wired differently, and better you know how to push your own buttons, the better you adjust what you and your partner are doing to give you pleasure.
um... actually.. i've never masturbated...
Maybe you should try it.
I will let you in on a tried and true technique, that is IF you want to know . . .
Mastubate underneath running water. Actually, you let it do the work for you. First you turn on your bathtub faucet, adjust the temperature unless you want to scald your um . . . pussy. Then you just climb in the tub and waaa laaa let the water do the work.
This may sound a little weird but trust me, it works! At least it does for me.
That may have been a little too much info but anyhow. Just thought that I would throw my somewhat experienced 2 cents in.
Posted by: The Pure One Mar 17 2004, 08:52 AM
QUOTE (phoenix @ Mar 16 2004, 08:34 PM)
um... actually.. i've never masturbated...
Ah. Thought so. I must remember to trust my psychic powers. ;)
Well, this is the abuse of religion at work. Not to worry though, it is not uncommon. First of all, according to statistics only 40% of women can orgasm from regular sex (penetration). The reason is that since the clitoris is above the vaginal opening, it doesn't get direct stimulation from partner thrusting. The thrusting pulls on the labia, which indirectly stimulates the clitoris, but if the numbers are correct then for the 60% majority of women, this isn't enough to do the job. So even if you had masturbated and knew how to give yourself an orgasm, your boyfriend simply getting on top of you and going for it usually wouldn't do it anyway. It may, once you learn how to relax and pleasure yourself, or it may not. No big deal, but at this point you don't know. The issue right now is that you have internalized lifelong mental inhibitions about sexual pleasure that need to be broken down. You need to chill, and unleash your sexual self, in other words. ;)
As a result of the anatomical disadvantage women are at during intercourse, the preferred method of achieving orgasm for most women is.........oral sex. I submit that if you relax enough about it to allow it to be done, you may be amply rewarded. But, one step at a time. First you have to know what you are going for orgasm-wise. I checked the sexdoc archives, there is a question about never-having-orgasmed here:
http://www.sexdoc.com/quess2.html
at the bottom of the page, and he routinely recommends a book by Lonnie Barbach PhD called For Yourself: The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality. Here's a link to it on Amazon, along with reviews and recommendations of other similar books.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0451202007/qid=1079540652/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/103-5628236-5899018?v=glance&s=books
This book (and others) will guide you step-by-step through the process of becoming orgasmic. This can be done with or without a partner. Don't put pressure on yourself or your boyfriend, just enjoy playing around and trying things. Don't worry, there is a hot and horny Phoenix inside you, wanting to break free. ;) Good luck! May the Clit be With You. ;)
Posted by: mandylibra1979 Mar 17 2004, 11:57 AM
I loved that, The Pure One, "May the Clit be with You." I might quote you on that, if you don't mind. ;)
Anyhow, Phoenix, other than the water technique for having an orgasm that I told you about earlier in this thread another method I prefer is starting sex with kissing and oral sex.
Relax and let your boyfriend go down on you. Maybe you should suggest that he check out an article on it if he isn't too experienced. It is hard to sometimes suggest something like this to a guy though since it may hurt his ego but you could say something like I was checking out this site about sex and here's an interesting article you may want to read . . .
Here is a good site . . . http://www.mypleasure.com/education/sexed/cunnilingus.asp
My husband is VERY talented in the oral sex department so I have little to worry about. I am a lucky girl. However, I prefer actual sex to oral sex. I think that most men would also agree that they prefer actual sex. Oral sex is a terrific warm up though.
Anyhow, after you cannot take anymore oral sex and you must have the "real" thing I suggest starting out by climbing on top of your boyfriend but not in an upright position yet. After awhile of sex like that and you think he cannot take anymore then you sit up and finish in that position.
Hey, it works for me.
I suppose that I should have posted this in the Oral Sex thread. I don't know. It fits in both places so oh well.
Posted by: The Pure One Mar 17 2004, 12:54 PM
QUOTE (mandylibra1979 @ Mar 17 2004, 11:57 AM)
I loved that, The Pure One, "May the Clit be with You." I might quote you on that, if you don't mind. ;)
Be my guest. ;)
Regarding the site linked, I disagree that most men dislike cunnilingus, I think the majority do. I understand that women worry about smell and taste, but this is thanks to Madison Avenue and their "freshness" advertising. The vagina is amazingly self-cleaning. Unless there's a yeast or bacterial overgrowth for some reason, it's good even without a shower.
In any case, there is too much individual variation from one person to the next to recommend specific techniques except as 'try it, see if you like it'. In general, the more nerves that are being stimulated the more intense the orgasm, hence some variation of fingers in the vagina plus tongue on the clit is superior to licking the clit alone. Add some butt-play if you can manage the geometry, and it's even better. ;) But this is advanced stuff, once you have orgasms you have the rest of your life to experiment how to make them stronger, and I can recommend some really cutting edge material in that regard (www.sexualtips.net, Science of Sex book - simply a must-buy, and you get lifetime PDF updates for free).
I wouldn't presume to offer better advice than professional sex therapists, since this is a combined psychological and physical thing. Even for us guys the little head doesn't work without the big head being engaged and relaxed. The Barbach book and others understand the issues better and can address them step-by-step. I do think the open sharing here is good, and may help break down some of the inhibited thought when you read about what others do. Heck, I posted about tongueing the backdoor during oral sex, so if you can even read that without your eyes rolling back in your head, the exposure to more liberated thought is allowing a shift in perspective. ;) Play around, it should be approached as fun adventuring, but check out the professional reading material on the subject, I'm sure it will spare a lot of trial-and-error.
Posted by: mandylibra1979 Mar 17 2004, 01:03 PM
QUOTE (The Pure One @ Mar 17 2004, 04:54 PM)
QUOTE (mandylibra1979 @ Mar 17 2004, 11:57 AM)
I loved that, The Pure One, "May the Clit be with You." I might quote you on that, if you don't mind. ;)
Be my guest. ;)
Regarding the site linked, I disagree that most men dislike cunnilingus, I think the majority do. I understand that women worry about smell and taste, but this is thanks to Madison Avenue and their "freshness" advertising. The vagina is amazingly self-cleaning. Unless there's a yeast or bacterial overgrowth for some reason, it's good even without a shower.
In any case, there is too much individual variation from one person to the next to recommend specific techniques except as 'try it, see if you like it'. In general, the more nerves that are being stimulated the more intense the orgasm, hence some variation of fingers in the vagina plus tongue on the clit is superior to licking the clit alone. Add some butt-play if you can manage the geometry, and it's even better. ;) But this is advanced stuff, once you have orgasms you have the rest of your life to experiment how to make them stronger, and I can recommend some really cutting edge material in that regard (www.sexualtips.net, Science of Sex book - simply a must-buy, and you get lifetime PDF updates for free).
I wouldn't presume to offer better advice than professional sex therapists, since this is a combined psychological and physical thing. Even for us guys the little head doesn't work without the big head being engaged and relaxed. The Barbach book and others understand the issues better and can address them step-by-step. I do think the open sharing here is good, and may help break down some of the inhibited thought when you read about what others do. Heck, I posted about tongueing the backdoor during oral sex, so if you can even read that without your eyes rolling back in your head, the exposure to mor