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| Open Forums for ExChristian.Net > Rants and Replies > Favorite Televangelist |
| Posted by: Libertus Nov 17 2004, 01:57 PM |
| The Televangelist thread gave me this idea. A lot of these guys put their crap on the web. Any entertaining links might be useful to bored individuals. Libertus |
| Posted by: mrtruth Nov 17 2004, 02:35 PM |
| I voted for Rod Parsley.... I first saw him on TV back in 1998 or so, when I was still struggling in my Christian walk. He was doing a sermon about the "YEAR OF JUBILEE" or some such nonsense, and asking people to (you'll never guess) send $$$. He also had a pile of 'prayer clothes' that he was praying blessing into...and you could get one for (you'll never guess!) sending in $$$. He's a clown. He also preaches that Christians should be wealthy...its what God wants. I saw him on TV a couple of months back....the year of Jubliee is over now....its now something about "Harvest Time" or some such drek....and also he's asking for (you'll never guess it!) more $$$$ Psycho... |
| Posted by: John Doe Nov 17 2004, 04:09 PM |
| I didn't see Jerry Falwell, but he is the one I love to hate |
| Posted by: Lila Bender Nov 17 2004, 04:16 PM |
| "I didn't see Jerry Falwell, but he is the one I love to hate " Hear, hear. He's also a viable boogy man alternative. He's scary, AND he's real!! And it wouldn't surprise me if he liked to hide under the beds of naughty children.  Lila |
| Posted by: Freespirit Nov 17 2004, 04:45 PM |
Yep, Jerry Fallwell!! And it's always amusing to watch that chick with the purple hair, too.  |
| Posted by: ravnostic Nov 17 2004, 05:35 PM |
| Hey, what about Kirk Cameron and Ray Comfort? I find them highly entertaining, and Kirk is still cute (I'd blow him...) |
| Posted by: ChefRanden Nov 17 2004, 06:24 PM |
| I think that if you guys ain't careful, you will be re-possesed by the Holy Demon. |
| Posted by: PriorWorrier Nov 17 2004, 07:14 PM |
| Paula White. But you've got to mute the TV and put on some relaxing music to enjoy the show. She preaches way too fast. |
| Posted by: Asuryan Nov 17 2004, 08:10 PM |
| I chose other because there are no televangelists here in Italy... ...now, now, remember that envy is a sin... ...but there is someone which I find funny: his name is Roberto da Crema, he is one of those people who yell about some stuff and try to sell it to housewives at home. "Call me at once!! If you are one of the first 10 callers, you will receive at no additional cost this wonderful frying pan!!" He is funny because he pauses and breathes heavily after every one or two words, so it's like he's suffering from asthma (he isn't, it's just his strategy), but it's really funny to see and hear! To picture his face in your mind, say "Super Mario".  What is his relationship with god? Well, he always says he's a good christian, a good catholic, he believes in god and all that stuff. Then again,he went to survivors some months ago, and while there were about 1/3 of all italians stuck in front of the T.V. and watching him he yelled: "God is a Sh*t!". (* put for Madgerbil's sake) That was hilarious, but the next day he was thrown out from survivors. A pity. A bit OT, perhaps... but at least I explained why I chose "Other"  |
| Posted by: nivek Nov 17 2004, 08:12 PM |
| For me, Tilton, hands down... AzzKlown Deluxe.. Been found to be dis-honest, and just a general jerk in *Real Life*, folks continue to support him.. His TV persona is so amusing and so freekin' funny I almost piss backwards until I'm blind watching that most_excellent_showman..... "Touch yo' TV screen and FELLLL the BLESSIN'S of daLard!!" Sheezee, what a racket!  n |
| Posted by: Ian Nov 17 2004, 11:45 PM |
| geez ya didn`t mention Jack and Rexella Van Impe .. Do they qualify ? Their show is pretty much a "newscast" which taught me to be ready for the invading United Nations army that will impose a satanic new world order on all us. Plus I secretly lust after Rexella..maybe it's the white trash big hair and the aqua marine blue eye shadow. Plus the fact that christian women are hot vixens in the sack... |
| Posted by: euphgeek Nov 18 2004, 02:45 AM |
| I had to vote for Robert Tilton...http://www.religionisbullshit.net/ribs/fpreach.htm. |
| Posted by: MonkeyBoy Nov 18 2004, 08:13 AM |
| My vote is for Rod Parsley. I've lived in Columbus for 11 years, and have been to Rod Parsey's church as a believer and an unbeliever. Both times, it sickened me. I wish I recorded the show where he said, "Don't you know god don't want you to drive an ugly car?" Nice. Real nice. If anyone here lives near the east side of Columbus, and you have not been there, I encourage it; especially the last Sunday of each month. It is Healing Sunday. I went after I was invited and took notes. He has a h-u-g-e picture of himself in the main foyer (at least he did 1 year and a half ago). It's repulsive. |
| Posted by: Reach Nov 18 2004, 08:58 AM | ||||
As much as I can't stand the repulsive Rod Par$ley, Jack and Rexella Van Impe are the most despicable to me for their fear-mongering "new$ca$t." Of course, I also have a problem with T.D. Jake$, who after making so much money, found it necessary to build a second home, far from his Texas congregation, in one of the Carolinas, complete with indoor swimming pool and bowling alley, to the tune of a couple million dollars. $$$. It's all comes down to money. $$$. I voted for Paul Crouch of TBN fame for the worst of all, for promoting this drivel, for personal gain.
 You naughty boy, Ian! |
| Posted by: Reach Nov 18 2004, 08:59 AM | ||
Regarding Rod Par$ley...
I heard him say that many times. |
| Posted by: atheist_ewtcoma Nov 18 2004, 09:04 AM |
| Think they are all full of shit. But they have helped me in some way to see what religion was about. $$$$$$$$$$$$. Of freind of mine who I allways tell that religion is all about control and wealth got to see it first hand. He has since coverted to agnosticism. He and his wife went to a little county redneck whitrash church. He says that the preacher gets up there is starts doing his sermon and halfway through it gets to money. He told me that he never noticed that until I said something to him about it. Well anyway, The preacher tells the pew occupants that He had a dream but really was not one. That god told him to expand the chruch, That he will need to get more income and that the faithful members would provide that.. My friend thought about that and thought back acouple of months and he used the same line for a new coach bus. Well, he got up and left and never been back. There is one thing you will notice in alabamu and that is a lot of construction. They are not building schools, librarys or houses. They are always building extravagant churches. They build them right beside schools shopping malls and on busy roads next to the mcdonalds. |
| Posted by: Reach Nov 18 2004, 09:14 AM | ||||
They sure have. American Christianity™ is primarily about prosperity, personal prosperity, as in "mine, not yours." And last time I checked, Paul and Jan Crouch, of Trinity Broadcasting Network, give for free and/or sell air time to at least six people on that poll list.
I have noticed the same on my trips through Alabama, the last several years. |
| Posted by: John Doe Nov 18 2004, 09:18 AM |
| Just for kicks I did a search on Benny Hinn, lots of interesting stuff gets brought up. Looks like his ministry brings in about $100 million a year, and he spends quite a bit on himself. He owns an $8 million beachfront estate in southern california, travels in private jets and drives a $65k BMW (Hinn himself said he "downgraded" to the BMW after God told him to get rid of his Rolex and Mercedes to live more "christlike") But you all will be glad to know there are many decent god-fearing True Christians ™ out there who are closely monitoring Benny Hinn and warning us to beware of false prophets and Hinn's false teachings. So true believers take heed! Some even go so far as to claim he is of the devil and not Jesus. Hey, isn't that what the Pharisee's did that caused them to commit the unpardonable sin?  |
| Posted by: MonkeyBoy Nov 18 2004, 10:09 AM |
| Benny Hinn; for a short while, he acted as if he were Christ. There's another thread about Kent Hovind fans and their unwillingness to learn the truth. Other than his obvious shotgun methods, his flock are trained to NOT question him (or anybody). Sell-evangelists are doing more damage to the credibility of Christianity that any anti-Christian group could ever hope to. It is really sad to see the trust of the viewers so betrayed by these walking carcassess of shit. Not that I have a strong opinion of this or anything. |
| Posted by: fortunehooks Nov 18 2004, 12:10 PM |
| for me it's,rod parsley. this is one charismatic son bitch. i watched the guy and i observed how people,who want to believe he's telling the truth,will indeed fall to his speech. it's like some kind of speech hypnosis he does. pacing his tone, loud one minute and subdued the next. |
| Posted by: ChefRanden Nov 18 2004, 12:27 PM | ||
Do you think it is the technique or is the subject? I'm wondering if one could train enough charismatic speakers if one could change the land from oligarchy to anarchy???? |
| Posted by: rainyday8169 Nov 18 2004, 12:55 PM |
| The lady in the cotton candy wig and her skinny husband with the pinstriped clown suit had me laughing pretty hard last night while flipping thru the channels I dont know their names tho |
| Posted by: atheist_ewtcoma Nov 18 2004, 01:00 PM |
| Oh yea I got a good one here. My mother whom is a christain was telling me about a friend that was having problems. We can call her Sue. She works for the federal government and makes about 40,000, with is dam good for alabamu standards. Now she has been giving tithes as long as she has been working. She has given according to the sum of 20,000 dollars of her money to her chruch and to the infamous Robert Tilton the televangelist. Thats half of her incom, 10,000 for her chruch and another 10,000 for ol robert tilton. Do the math. Well any way Sue and her husband are a older couple in there 50s, very hippocrtical, arrogant, religious god fearing sheep. She goes to chruch everytime that it is open and is very careless with her money as for as tithes go. But regardless of that, her husband had been laid off and had been out of work for a year so she brings home the baccon. Now her kids have graduted highschool and are going to collage and struggling, But she can't figure out why she dont have the money to help them out? So she takes out loans for that. She is not to smart with credit cards either and buys worthless crap from QVC all the time so she is in dept all they way to her eyelids. On top of that, she goes and gets screwed by the payday loans, fast cash buisness scams with high interest. Well she drives like most alabamu drivers with their head up their ass and a big jusus bumper sticker. One day she gets in to a big wreak in wich she pulls out in front of a big rig. (tipical) Now shes all fucked up and broken, after taking other test they find out that she has cancer and lt is not looking good for her. They test her husband and he has it to. They pray and all that crap. She is out of work and goes into more debt of an excess of a 100k. Now the good part. She has requested help from her chruch and boss hog pastor and all they can to do is to help out with food and some utility bills. They pray and pray but nothing happens. Now she repeatedly calls and writes to the Robert Tilton ministries and asks for help. She tells them that she has given 10,000 dallars a year and that now she is in a bad situation. Is their anyway that they could help her? Every answer that she gets is. That they feel for her suffering and will pray for her but thay are not in a position to give out money. |
| Posted by: atheist_ewtcoma Nov 18 2004, 01:00 PM |
| Thats 20,000 a year |
| Posted by: John Doe Nov 18 2004, 01:49 PM |
| That is a pretty sad story, atheist_e. Part of me wants to laugh and say a fool gets what a fool deserves, but another part of me doesn't think anyone deserves that, no matter how stupid they are. These preachers tell people to give their money to "god" their whole lives and then when the shit hits the fan god has left the building and is nowhere to be found. It's like I say, people should be skeptical of an omni-powerful being who accuses humans of stealing his money ("Will a man rob God? Yet you are robbing me!' But you ask, 'How do we rob you?' 'In tithes and offerings. Bring your whole tithe to My house.'" (Mal. 3:8). If your moms friend had invested all that money all these years instead of giving it away, they would probably have several hundred thousand dollars set aside for when they need it most. But no, they fell for the scam, hook line and sinker. |
| Posted by: atheist_ewtcoma Nov 18 2004, 02:16 PM |
| If I were to throw that type pf money around, I would be sure it would be in stocks. The stockmarket is alot better then throwing it away on tithes and gambling but still a risk. With stocks, you can make a educated decision. |
| Posted by: John Doe Nov 18 2004, 02:21 PM |
| True, since I am a daytrader I can vouch for stocks! |
| Posted by: atheist_ewtcoma Nov 18 2004, 02:26 PM |
| It is no coincidence that a person's fincancial position is determined by their level of logic, education and or circumstances. IE, a fool and his money are soon parted. Most of the time their problems are self inflicted. These televangelist are not stupid and they know what they are doing. |
| Posted by: John Doe Nov 18 2004, 02:42 PM |
| Yes I think that is the mistake some people make, that the televantelists are stupid. They are definitely not stupid, in fact some of them are true masters when it comes to getting people to freely hand over their hard earned money in full awareness that these guys are living it up in multi-million $$ luxury homes, travel first class and socialize with the rich and famous. And some of them have built highly profitable media empires that would make the CEO's of many public companies pretty envious. You have to have a pretty well functioning brain to do all that. By the way cool avatar you got there.... |
| Posted by: MonkeyBoy Nov 18 2004, 02:57 PM | ||
Yes, they learn it in Cemetary (I mean Seminary). It is a form of mass hypnosis, and he is a master of it. He'll pace the stage with an intense look on his sweat covered face, arching his back as he emphasizes certain key words. He spits while he shouts, and the music plays a large part in this technique. I wish I could sneak a camera into the healing Sunday; it is extraordinary. When I went a year or so ago, I was tapping my feet to the music and wanted to jump, lift my hands and shout. Was it the spirit of God moving across the areana? NO, it was simple emotionalism and the last time I felt like that was when I went to rock concert (Rush). At the finale of 'Natural Science' if Geddy Lee had demanded the audience to come forward and recieve their Canadian citizenship, I think most of us would of done it. |
| Posted by: Mr. Neil Nov 18 2004, 03:32 PM |
| Yeah, my top three aren't there. Ray Comfort, Benny Hinn, and Jerry Fartwell. I'm gonna go with Ray Comfort, just because he's two steps shy of being another Jason Gastrich. He's so insanely stupid. He just walks around the streets with his ten commandments guilt trip. A lot of the witnessing he uses on his show is clearly ineffective. It's funny to watch him try. Any arguments put against his evangelism is just ignored. Comfort's motto: "LALALALALALALALA!! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!" |
| Posted by: MonkeyBoy Nov 18 2004, 04:34 PM |
| The other guy that is obviously missing a helix isn't $ell evangelist, but a now defunk radio broadcaster: Beggin' Bob Larson. I listened to him for years and each broadcast, about half of it was begging for money to pay his airtime bills. And he always got it. Until his money mismangement and multiple affairs, among other things went public. I still have some of his books and tapes. He used to exorcise demons over the air! A possessed person would call in and the demon would obey FCC guidelines and remain on hold while Bob went to commercial! LOL! He had his radio show broadcast a few times, but it never took off. I should start a thread on this guy and see if any others have heard of him. He set new standards for lying in the name of god. |
| Posted by: Astreja Nov 18 2004, 10:12 PM |
| (In voice of Animal, Muppet Most Psychotic) Tam-Mee-Fay! Tam-Mee-Fay!! Can't believe I used to stay up till 3 a.m. and watch PTL Club... *shudders* Astreja |
| Posted by: MonkeyBoy Nov 19 2004, 04:18 AM |
| Astreja - Did you catch Tammy on the Surreal Life? She seemed a bit flakey, but depending on the "realness" of the show, she seemed very sincere. I think it was funny that they had Ron Jeremy in the same house. She did cry on the show with the racoon mascara and all, and did not appear to judge anybody. What was up with Jim Baker's hair? Looked like combed cotton candy; as a matter of opinion, nearly all of his ilk had the same hair! Do they just go into Great Clips and ask for the 'God-Coif'? |
| Posted by: rainyday8169 Nov 19 2004, 07:12 AM |
| The ladies need to hire a new hair and make up person Do they think looking like drag queens makes people listen better or something? |
| Posted by: atheist_ewtcoma Nov 19 2004, 08:16 AM |
| I also like to say that TBN got every one beat, There on 24/7. $$$ with tax free status. The big haired lady looks like a stinking dried up cum burping gutter slut, worn out white trailor trash whore that smokes 10 cartons of marlboro reds a day. cling$$http://www.tbn.org/index.php/3.html |
| Posted by: rainyday8169 Nov 19 2004, 11:20 AM | ||
|
| Posted by: Yaoi Huntress Earth Nov 19 2004, 12:42 PM | ||
Thanks for the link. Have you ever notice how 90% of the women in the pictures have these plastered on Stepford Wife smiles? I've been tempted to write these jerks a letter about how America is not a Christian nation, but I realize that it's no better than screaming at a brick wall. |
| Posted by: atheist_ewtcoma Nov 19 2004, 12:46 PM |
| I would like to imagine what her reaction would be if she was droped in the middle of afganistan |
| Posted by: fortunehooks Nov 19 2004, 01:09 PM | ||||
chef,to answer your question. i really think it has the possibility of being both,the subject and the way he conveys it. to your second comment, i don't think you could train charisma,but then again almost everything is learned. i would just think that someone listening to this bunch of charismatic speakers had the nerve to question the arguments put forth. |
| Posted by: atheist_ewtcoma Nov 19 2004, 01:53 PM | ||||
There is nothing that can be done right now to defeat the christain mentality or religion. The population of the earth is to diverse and when one religion fades away another will take its place. As long as you have the Sheep that ignorantly follow and have some type of need to belive in superstitons, there will always be religion. Then you also have to deal with tyrants that manipulate and decieve for their own wellbeing. It is a perpetual cycle. Its going to have to take some type of discovery or invention that will cause us to wake up. Something like aliens landing in DC or something. But they would not do that since we are to primitive and not worth the effort except to maybe enslave us or eat us. The only thing I can think of that could eventually erode the religious brick wall is maybe a couple of hundred years of continued advancments for humanity. |
| Posted by: ChefRanden Nov 19 2004, 03:56 PM |
| Speaking of sheep, it occurs to me that I should figure out what kind of animal I am. I'm no longer a sheep, and even when I was a sheep I was a black one. I tried for a while to be a sheep dog, but it proved to difficult to round them up and get them moving in a logical direction. They seemed more attracted to the cliffs or the wolves. I'm not a wolf because I have no desire to fleece or eat sheep. I'm more like a deer, because I watch the sheep and get all skittish and nervous over their behavior. Maybe I should be more like a cat. Then I could watch them with interest without giving a shit. |
| Posted by: Mr. Neil Nov 19 2004, 04:01 PM |
| I'm not the black sheep of the family at all. I'm more like the wolf. |
| Posted by: Astreja Nov 19 2004, 08:24 PM | ||
No, I didn't see that... Haven't watched TV for about three years now. But not long ago I read a review of "The Eyes of Tammy Faye" (with RuPaul). It sounds like a worthwhile watch. I'll probably grab it if I see it in the cheap bin at the local video store. Astreja |
| Posted by: Ian Nov 19 2004, 10:19 PM |
| I highly recommend The Eyes of Tammy Faye. She comes across a nice, sweet and incredibly naive . but there is an undercurrent of she isn`t as naive as she appears to be...probably a way to make her seem a lot less guilty than she really is. |
| Posted by: Karl Nov 20 2004, 07:07 PM | ||||||
| T.D. Jakes = Most entertaining (got my vote) He always wears great suits (courtesy of the sheeple) and is an absolute master at the art of knowing how to work a crowd. Real smooth. Rod Parsley=Just generally disgusting, but as slick as they come... John Hagee=Extra-rabid fundie, and "holy (a stretch if there ever was one) land" enthusiast. Keep your eyes on Israel! W is about to make "prophecy" happen!!! Peter Popoff=The biggest con there is...wonder if he's got a brother named Jack? Joyce Meyer=Really enjoys strutting her fame. You have to earn it, you know. Robert Tilton="gospel" vampire in the theatre of dupery. He'll suck you dry of all your cash...in a flash!
See what I mean? Jimmy Swaggart=Can you say hypocrisy? It's tough to top his bawling at the pulpit that one time. Wonder how many Marys he's had since? Pat Robertson=The most insane of the bunch...a strong desire to be ReligionFührer (at least). Paul Crouch="Let's make a deal!" We've got great little trinkets in return for your cash!...and behind door number one it's..........look! it's John Avanzini (with his hand out of course) Ernest Angley=not familiar with (Jerry Falwell -not on the list)=Beats out Robertson by a nose as king of the hatemongers. No more outrageous comments were ever uttered than:
Yup, it was us Pagans, etc. responsible for 9/11 all right...  .... The new ReichBishop?(Benny Hinn - not on the list)"...the answer my friend, is 'blowin' in the 'wind'"...(as in ass-wind) ...too bad he didn't cure Christopher Reeve, after all the other miracles that have happened..... (Bob Larson -not on the list) "The devil" is hiding under every rock, you know.......shit, he might even be in your tube of toothpaste!...better fucking watch out now! (the Van Impe's - not on the list) ...any time now!!...any time now!!...any time now!!...any time now!!
I haven't gone quite that far, but she does look OK. She probably only goes for the rich televangelist types...we'd never stand a chance....I called up to their local product warehouse here one time...the workers were being paid $7.00/hr. At least they were getting a decent living wage.... Since I don't want to have any more flashbacks, I will stop now. K |
| Posted by: duderonomy Nov 21 2004, 03:59 AM |
| Ummm.... not to cause controversy...but I can't but not favor one of these Godly heroes over the other. After all, aren't they all working towards the same end? BaWhahahahahahahahaha!!!!! Seriously though, folks...I really think that Jimmy Swaggart was/is sincere. Fallen, Yes, but in his own mind, very sincere. Maybe he'll post here someday, when he really lets himself be true to himself. In the meantime, I, Duderonomy, cannot choose one over the other as to whom I hate for their lies, and fakery. What kind of poll is this? Most entertaining? S**t... none of them have the Moxy that I have. Mom always said that I should have been a lawyer. I could even convince any one here that I was innocent, or that you were, or that we all were, or that none of us were...whatever it took! Crap! Maybe I should have a show on TBN...after all, I know and have studied the 'truth', and Lord knows, I need the money! Sorry to butt in here... I really like this forum, and although I'm a little tipsy right now, I won't be tomorrow (when they all sing 'Onward Christian Soldiers'. "Soldiers"? "SOLDIERS?" "Marching as to WAR!" Yeah! Let's carry the Cross of Jesus before us, and march into war. That'll teach 'em! They won't f*ck with the Christian Church anymore! And if they do...we'll just kill 'em all, or hide and give donations to those who will stick up for us (like Paul and Jan)! Sure, I'm a little off, but hey, what do you expect? I was raised on this stuff. In the 'Do as I say, not as I do' school, of course! Honestly, I thank God (no pun intended), that I found this forum! It's way better than 'Rapture Ready' where I used to to lurk and hang out! I bet that this enough outa me by now! |
| Posted by: ~Dhampir:~ Nov 21 2004, 12:38 PM |
| Creflo Dollar. That is one Hell of a name. Btw, did you know that Tammy Faye has incurable lung and/or brain cancer? I seen it on larry king , the only time I ever decided to watch it. |
| Posted by: Karl Nov 21 2004, 12:43 PM | ||
You're right, Dhampir. I'll give him this much; at least with his last name, he's up front about being into the money..... K |
| Posted by: Reach Nov 21 2004, 12:43 PM | ||||
And you should see the estate he owns and resides in, in the Atlanta area! The Atlanta Journal-Constitution had the guts to get a hold of a helo and catch some aerial views of his home and print them along with an article which included commentary on the perks to be gained and the amount of money to be made in building a mega-church. |
| Posted by: ~Dhampir:~ Nov 21 2004, 12:56 PM |
| And not one xtian notices anything amiss, they think it's the increase of god that grants him his prosperity, knowing full well that they are the ones that pay his bills! So it's a good thing for them that he's rich when they remain poor. |
| Posted by: Reach Nov 21 2004, 01:03 PM |
 I just realized we left off another pair... Kenneth and Gloria Copeland. Now, I'm going to really be sick. |
| Posted by: NIGHTFLIGHT Nov 21 2004, 02:03 PM | ||||
What gets me is how even though they are so blatant with their wealth, people still support them. I worked with a woman who just loved those guys, especially Benny Hinn. When I made some comments about how they swindle people, she said something to the effect of "well they shouldn't be so stupid to send them money!" She loves her charismatic superstars. |
| Posted by: NIGHTFLIGHT Nov 21 2004, 02:12 PM |
| My fave is Arnold Murray. This is his ministry: http://www.shepherdschapel.com/ He believes that Cain is the offspring of Eve and the debil! And that Cain's descendants are.....well, you know who. |
| Posted by: ~Dhampir:~ Nov 21 2004, 02:16 PM | ||
blacks? If so I've heard that one before. |
| Posted by: NIGHTFLIGHT Nov 21 2004, 02:26 PM | ||||
No, the sons of Cain are the Jews. |
| Posted by: MonkeyBoy Nov 22 2004, 07:05 AM | ||
I'd like to bend her over a table with Deicide blaring while I plow her from behind. A midgit then comes in holding a cup Earl Grey (hot!) and....sorry, I was momentarily destracted. I used to wake up early Sunday mornings and watch the Copelands during my "uncertain" stage. At the time, I agreed with a few of the things he taught, but then caught on real quick that he was just a good ole' boy; uneducated and boorish. If he wasn't selling salvation, he would be wearing a checked sports coat and selling used cars. K. Copelands' quotes: "Heaven has a north and a south and an east and a west. Consequently, it must be a planet." - Kenneth Copeland, "Spirit, Soul, and a Body 1" (Kenneth Copeland Ministries, 1985, audio tape #01-0601, side 1). "The Bible said He measured the heavens with a 9 inch span. Now the span is the difference, distance between the end of the thumb and the end of the little Finger. And, and that Bible said, in fact the amplified translation translates the Hebrew text that way. That He measured out the heavens with a 9 inch span. "Well, I got a ruler and measured mine, and my span's 8 3/4 inches long. So now God's span is a quarter of an inch, a quarter inch longer than mine. So you see, that faith didn't come billowing out of some giant monster somewhere. It came out of the heart of a being that is very uncanny the way He's very much like you and me. A being that stands somewhere around 6' 2 ", 6' 3", that weighs somewhere in the neighbourhood of a couple of hundred pounds, little better, has a span of 8 and, I mean nine inches across - stood up and said "Light be [Let it be?]", and this universe situated itself and went into motion. Glory to God." - Kenneth Copeland, "Spirit, Soul, and a Body 1" (Kenneth Copeland Ministries, 1985, audio tape #01-0601, side 1). "lt's all a copy. If's a copy of home. It's a copy of the mother planet. Where God lives, He made a little one just like His and put us on it." - Kenneth Copeland, "Following the Faith of Abraham 1" (Kenneth Copeland Ministries, 1989, audio tape #01-3001, side 1). "I was shocked when I found out who the biggest failure in the Bible actually is. Everybody ask you ask "Who's the biggest failure?" They say "Judas", somebody else will say "No, I believe it was Adam", well how about the devil. He's the most consistent failure. But he's not the biggest in terms of material failure and so forth. The biggest one in all the Bible is God. What, what, what - don't you turn that set off - you listen to what. I told you - now you sit still a minute. You know me well enough to know I wouldn't, I wouldn't tell something I can't prove from the Bible." - Kenneth Copeland, "Praise-a-thon" program - TBN (April 1988). ID10T |
| Posted by: Reach Nov 22 2004, 07:32 AM |
| "We are little gods." Kenneth Copeland, spoken hundreds of times, on TBN, his tape sets, etc... |
| Posted by: fortunehooks Nov 22 2004, 01:37 PM |
| karl, i enjoyed the list. especially,the bit about joyce meyer. when my fundie grandparents have her on the tube,i sit and watch how she works the audience with every word. she really loves being a rich female pastor in the male dominated field. oh yeah,the guy parsley is very irritating. ken copeland,made the best statement in his ministry. the biggest failure in the trash book is his god. |
| Posted by: AggieNostic Nov 23 2004, 02:49 PM | ||
Jack is supposedly a highly educated individual. If so, it just goes to show you that being smart does not mean being right. All the PhDs in the world cannot prevent people from believing that the Earth has only existed for 6,000 years. |
| Posted by: AggieNostic Nov 23 2004, 02:52 PM | ||
Awesome! I was hoping someone would post that link. I bought the video. About a year ago, my fundamentalist sister and brother-in-law were visiting. I convinced them to watch it. Although, they were extremely reluctant (I guess figuring maybe they would be blaspheming the Holy Spook). They couldn't help themselves from laughing. And none of us have been struck by lightening. Imagine that! http://www.pastorgas.com/ |
| Posted by: ~Dhampir:~ Nov 23 2004, 03:28 PM |
| Whos' that one young looking blonde? She's hot. If there were a devil, I'd say that Parsley guy's exactly the human form he'd take. |
| Posted by: fortunehooks Nov 24 2004, 12:21 PM | ||
peep this,i think i actually saw this preacher chick you are talking about. i didn't watch for to long,but i did notice that i would "hooks" her if the chance was there,and with me in the proximity there is a chance. come on,parsley isn't that bad, huh? well he might be. |
| Posted by: noendinsight Nov 26 2004, 01:29 PM |
| I like Joel Osteen and still listen to him mostly because he uses common sense when he preaches. His sermons are very postive and am looking to buy his new book. |
| Posted by: maddogg4jesus Nov 26 2004, 01:45 PM |
| Isn't Joel the one out of Houston. The younger guy? |
| Posted by: noendinsight Nov 26 2004, 01:47 PM |
| yeah his website is http://www.joelosteen.com |
| Posted by: maddogg4jesus Nov 26 2004, 01:54 PM |
| That guys cool. I like to listen to him. He never looks at his notes. It's awesome how he can remember it all. |
| Posted by: ~Dhampir:~ Nov 28 2004, 10:25 AM | ||||
I remember seeing her for the first time and thinking, damn, if only she weren't so churchy! She did this sermon, where she had this big plod of earth, and she's digging at it with a shovel, and preaching something (didn't pay attention) and she gives away these little plastic shovels, with her church's name, or some bible verse or something. It's amazing the things people attribute to divine inspiration. |
| Posted by: fortunehooks Nov 29 2004, 12:38 PM |
| dhampir,who knows she might just be faking the divine crap. i heard building a huge fucking place of worship is big business. |
| Posted by: Reach Dec 3 2004, 11:30 AM | ||
Did anyone mention Jesse Duplantis yet? Jesse speaking about Mark 4... This is the most important chapter in the Bible, in my opinion, because it deals with sowing and reaping… Now notice this sower here. He sows 4 times. He sows verse 4, he sows 5, he sows verse7, he sows verse 8. This man here loses 75% of his seed! He loses verse 4, he loses verse 5, he loses verse 7. Now he gets blessed on verse 8, thank you Jesus! But he lost verse 4, verse 5, verse 7. I wonder how many you lost? Now the Lord told us to go into the world and preach the gospel to every creature, didn't He? It costs billions of dollars to do that, between the satellite communication hookup and everything! Everything! Well, how come we haven't done it yet? Because we've lost verse 4, we've lost verse 5, we've lost verse 7. Every once in a while we get blessed on verse 8. But just think if you got blessed 30, 60 or 100 fold on verse 4; 30, 60 or 100 fold on verse 5; 30, 60 or 100 fold on verse 7; 30, 60 or 100 fold on verse 8, look out Toronto! Now you could buy it. Because every time you give God $50, He gives you $5000. Every time you give Him $100, He gives you $10,000. Every time you give Him $1000, He gives you $100,000. Every time you give him $100,000, $10 million. Before you know it, that building is yours, because they will sell it for the right price. You pick the denomination, God picks the multiplication. Verse 23 of Mark 4: If any man have ears to hear, how does faith come? So you can substitute to read 'if any man have ears to faith, let him faith." …So it's up to you what you give. But you see if you forget what you sow and do not name your seed, then the devil will steal your harvest and you don't know - 'God, the devil's stolen' - you can't figure out what is happening. …The multiplication system of God that God put into the family. Now I had a theologian tell me one time, "I tell you what, Brother Jesse, if you truly understood the Word of God, you would realize that Mark Chapter 4 is not dealing with economic substance. It's dealing with seed." I said, "Sir, you can't eat 30,000 acres of corn." …I had a man say, "You look so prosperous, Brother Jesse." I said, "Well, I'm backed by a very rich Jew. Yeah!! Yes, I am! His Name is Jesus. I'm backed by Him." (Jesse Duplantis, Trinity Broadcasting Network, September 21, 1998) |
| Posted by: sexkitten Dec 3 2004, 11:31 AM | ||||
WTF is that dude ON???? |
| Posted by: Reach Dec 3 2004, 11:38 AM | ||
More Jesse Duplantis... Quoting Jesse... The religious world: "Oh Lord, I just want just enough to get me by." Well, what happens when you get by? When you get by something you gotta go somewhere else. See, God will bless you as much as you can receive. People say, "Well, I believe God. I don't believe in that prosperity stuff." It's in the Bible. "Well, people got greedy with it." Well, that's true, but you don't throw the baby out with the bath water. If poverty is so wonderful, howcome Jesus left? He ain't poor no more! He ain't walkin' on no asphalt streets. I'm telling you, He's on gold streets. God! God, I'm walkin' on gold streets. There gonna be some people get up there and go "oh, Lord, no, I can't walk on that! Oh, Lord! Oh, Jesus, Lord! Put gravel on there, Lord." He gonna say "Shut up, fool! Walk on the street. What you think I built it for?" To Him it's something that you walk under it. He wears this nice clothing. He ain't no problem with that. You can't impress God with your wealth on your best day. See, I am believing for things that are impossible. And you know, everything I've ever done's been impossible, and it became possible just by walking in faith with it. I've had many people say, you can't believe like that! Well, bless God, watch me! What faith will do for one man, faith will do for another. Watch me! You watch me and this Mr. Cessna man here, I'll be the first preacher to buy a brand new, spankin' new, brand new jet that will fire all over this world. Get that sucker out of that glass hanger!...You can say all you want, Jack. I'll fly by your house and tip the wing. I'm gonna get something for Jesus. I'm gonna do something for God. (Jesse Duplantis Show, Trinity Broadcasting Network, October 8, 1997) I think it's called a Prosperity High. |
| Posted by: Reach Dec 3 2004, 11:42 AM | ||
More Jesse Duplantis... http://www.letusreason.org/Popteac12.htm |
| Posted by: Karl Dec 3 2004, 12:21 PM | ||||||
Good point, Aggie. It just goes to show you how fundie dogma can numb and warp the human mind. I had almost forgotten about Jesse, Reach.
There's not too many more lucrative professions than being a human "slot-machine" for biblegod. Only they aren't one-armed bandits, they're two-armed bandits. Jump up and down in a religious frenzy, listen to some BS, put your money into the plate (preferably at least $100) and theorectically something will come back at some point. It's interesting to note, that the believers never quite seem to do as well as the human slot machines/"evangelists". According to the "payout table" in Mark, mentioned by Duplantis, I should have been more than a millionaire. The woman that was mentioned earlier in this thread that gave $10K to Tilton didn't seem to be doing all that well. As far as I'm concerned, it's much more fun taking some of your entertainment budget (what used to be your "tithes and offerings") going to the casino and playing the quarter slots, etc.....my personal favs are 'Betty Boop', 'Wheel of Fortune', and 'Double Diamond Deluxe', or a little Craps, Roulette or Keno. The MGM Grand here in Detroit has a FABULOUS buffet as well, plus live entertainment. All in all a lot of fun, IMO. Sometimes ya win a little...good. If ya don't...there's always next time's entertainment budget. AND....you've got your Sundays and Wednesdays free now. It's so great to be out...... K |
| Posted by: fortunehooks Dec 3 2004, 12:56 PM |
| damn, convincing people that they will get more money if they give more,and i thought religion and money were of different vectors. |
| Posted by: Yaoi Huntress Earth Dec 4 2004, 12:39 AM | ||
This reminds me of a great web toon: http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/106557 I should warn you that there's a lot of pop-ups. |
| Posted by: Anomalie Dec 4 2004, 04:41 AM |
| Where has all the preaching about serving God versus serving mamon gone? |
| Posted by: Ro-bear Dec 4 2004, 06:49 AM |
| There may be something to this televangelism, folks. Is it mere coincidence that EVERY ONE of these guys have great hair, even the old ones? |
| Posted by: Totallyatpeace Dec 4 2004, 08:28 AM | ||
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| Posted by: LloydDobler Dec 4 2004, 08:51 PM | ||
It wasn't very profitable. |
| Posted by: Libertus Dec 6 2004, 11:41 AM |
| I saw Paula White on television a few times over the past 2 weeks. She is hilarious. She's sort of the white-female version of TD Jakes. Really entertaining! Libertus |
| Posted by: Libertus Dec 6 2004, 11:52 AM | ||
Oh, I can't stand that guy. It seems that no matter what time I get up in the morning he's on. It's crazy! Maybe it is the former pentecostal in me, but watching that guy is sort of like watching paint dry. Pure torture! Libertus  |
| Posted by: Mr. Neil Dec 6 2004, 12:16 PM |
| Aaaaaahahahahaha! That guy is awful! He looks like one of the Spitting Image puppets. (There's an 80s reference for ya!) He also has two of the largest ears that I've ever seen. |
| Posted by: formerfundie Dec 6 2004, 03:43 PM |
| As far as favorite TV preachers go-- Joyce Meyer used to be my fav -- I don't have any now, nor do I watch any of that gobbledygook on TV -- what a waste of a lot of my time that was, but, I did get some good stuff out of the more psychological things she taught in her books, but then again, going to a good psychologist or therapist and other, non-religious self-help books might have been able to do the same thing for me, however, I was never likely to read any of those during the days of my fundie-hood. FF BTW--"God-coif"--abolutelyf**cking hilarious! |
| Posted by: fortunehooks Dec 6 2004, 03:44 PM | ||
libertus, paula white,has made her way to the screens down in the bayou. when i first started watching her, i thought she was a decent chick,and then she opened her mouth with the gospel crap and that did it. i agree,she's very entertaining,if you like that all who disagree and don't bow at yahweh's feet end up in the burning pit sort of way. |