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Open Forums for ExChristian.Net > Totally Off Topic > Any advice?

Posted by: non conformist Mar 9 2005, 09:49 AM

About a year ago, I applied for a Police Officer possition in the city where I live. I took the test, did well, and now I'm one of the few candidates for the position. I have an interview (or should I say the interview) this coming Monday. That is not the reason why am anxious, though. I'm nervous about going away to the academy and leaving my son in the care of my fiance and the rest of my family.

My son will be five next month, and he is my world and I am his. He's relationship with his father is kind of distant (guess who's fault that is?!) and now I am going to have to leave him with Daddy. It's getting close to the time, and now I'm having second thoughts about whether or not this is the right decision. I don't know if it's worth it, if my son is going to have to make such a big adjustment in his life at such an early age. Then again, this is my dream, and in the long run I'm doing this for my family. I have to make a decision very soon, and I'm going through hell with it. Should I trust his father to rise up to the occasion (so far he hasn't shown me any initiative....my son will be five) and follow my dream? Or should I consider another career which will not require separation?

*I will say that I am just as anxious to be away from my son. I don't know how I would cope, even if he was doing ok with dad...

Posted by: Bruce Mar 9 2005, 10:15 AM

I presume this is just for the duration of the academy? If so, go for it, a small time apart is not that bad. I was USAF for 10 years and had to pull many TDY's. The world will not stop and it is just a temporary thing. If not, I would personally not do it. That is the main reson I went off of active duty, to be a dad to my kids.

Posted by: non conformist Mar 9 2005, 10:41 AM

I went off active duty when I found out I was pregnant (Army). And yes, it is just for the duration of the academy (6 months). If I saw his dad be a little bit more, I don't know, involved in the little things, then I don't think I would be havins such a hard time. He's more of a disciplinarian, not really like, just dad, you know? Maybe I'm just suffering from separation anxiety....

Posted by: sexkitten Mar 9 2005, 11:35 AM

I'm not a parent and all, so I can't begin to imagine what its like to be away from your kids for a few months.

However, I was a navy kid, so I do know what its like to have one parent gone for several months at a time. It is not easy on the kid by any means, but young kids can and do understand that mommy or daddy has to be away for awhile so that there can be something better in the future... as long as you sit down with them and explain it.

I say... go for it. If this is your dream, if this will give you a better and more satisfying career and your family a better life... do it.

Tips that will make it easier for the kid and for you :

Let him know its okay to miss you and be sad... and to tell you so. (You won't break if you see him cry. He might if he doesn't feel allowed to.)
Schedule regular phone times with your family. And keep your phone appts
Even though he's 5 and probably not a super-reader, write to *him* and send him pictures and other memorabilia.
Have him write to you - get your fiance's help with this one. Parents being away is a good time for kids to develop lifelong correspondence skills.

Posted by: sexkitten Mar 9 2005, 11:42 AM

Btw - about a year ago, my brother-in-law went away to Georgia for army basic training, leaving a wife and 2-year-old daughter behind. He washed out due to a knee injury, but he was gone for about 6 weeks or so. His daughter cried a little when he left, and took a couple of days to warm up to him when he returned.

But only a couple of days.

Posted by: SilentLoner Mar 9 2005, 12:30 PM

im not a parent either, but when i was a kid my parents had to travel around quite a bit. i think the longest separation time was about 4 months when they had to work in Indonesia (i was 5 or 6). i was left with another family for the time, and though it was hard at first, i got used to it. in fact, i think it was a good influence in the long run because i ended up being very independent and strong minded as a kid.
My dad told me at the time that if there's something you really want to do, and you think i'tll be worth it in the end, go for it.

Posted by: Mo Biggsley Mar 9 2005, 01:13 PM

I'm not a parent, but I imagine being without my mother for 6 months at age 5 would have been tough.

Posted by: SmallStone Mar 9 2005, 01:36 PM

I'm not a parent either. If I were, and if I were considering a dangerous job, I'd be more worried about the possibility of being killed on the job than I would be about the short trip to the academy. In other words, I would never have arrived at the academy issue. Especially if my child's other parent was sketchy. If you aren't comfortable leaving him with his father for 6 months, are you comfortable with leaving him with his father until he reaches legal age should you meet your demise at work?

Just my 2 cents. It's your life and they are your dreams. Sorry if I sound negative, risk assessment/management is a pretty big part of my daily work load. The worst case scenario is usually the best place to start.

Posted by: michelle Mar 9 2005, 01:41 PM

Go for your dream, you're son will thank you for it later. Not only that, it gives him time to catch up with Dad.

Posted by: Raineshower Mar 9 2005, 02:14 PM

If you think your son's Dad can be totally trusted to do a good job in taking care of him, then you might want to do it. Also, if you have parents nearby, you might want to have them be active with your son during the six months you're gone and keep an eye on things.

Posted by: NIGHTFLIGHT Mar 9 2005, 05:24 PM

Go for it. You'll regret it if you don't. You kid will be okay, you are not the first to do something like this.

Posted by: jaded Mar 10 2005, 05:21 AM

If things get out of hand at home you can always leave the academy. If you don't go and try it you will spend the rest of your life wishing you had. If this is your dream, you have to go for it.

Posted by: Reach Mar 10 2005, 05:37 AM

QUOTE (jaded @ Mar 10 2005, 05:21 AM)

If things get out of hand at home you can always leave the academy. If you don't go and try it you will spend the rest of your life wishing you had. If this is your dream, you have to go for it.

That's right! All things considered, I think you'll regret it the rest of your life if you let your fears over your son's welfare manipulate you into discarding a lifelong dream.

Don't live with regrets.

Posted by: non conformist Mar 10 2005, 05:51 AM

You guys have helped me more than you know....I appreciate it

I've gone too far to back out now. I also am not in the habit of not following through. I guess it is kind of arrogant of me to think I'm the only one that can take care of my boy properly. I'm lucky I'm not a single parent, and I guess I should give his dad a chance. I'm gonna miss them both, but you guys are right...I shouldn't give up on my dream.

I didn't live with my mom until I was 11. It sucks. I know it's not the same cause this is short term. It still sucks. I'm just gonna go, kick some ass and come home!

Posted by: Reach Mar 10 2005, 07:16 AM

QUOTE (non conformist @ Mar 10 2005, 05:51 AM)

I'm just gonna go, kick some ass and come home!

Good for you, NC!

Now, go and make us proud.